Dear Maggie Montclair,
Even though school just started, the Halloween decorations are already on display in my local stores. I'm expecting Christmas items next week, and just the thought of buying gifts gives me a headache. My children and grandchildren already have everything under the sun, and there is no way that I can give them anything they really want. Would it be alright to just give them a check or gift cards? Three years ago, when my husband was alive, I loved the Christmas season. Is this part of grief or am I just getting to be an old crab? Dreading the season
Dear Dreading,
It is sad when we dread the time of year that we celebrate the birth of Jesus. I understand that the commercialism makes it difficult to remember the 'reason for the season,' but our grandchildren are the ones who are really cheated because unless they participate in a religious service, they think Christmas is all about Santa Claus and getting gifts.
So, make Christmas meaningful for you. Take your family to Christmas Eve Services. Tell them you are giving the amount you would spend on gifts to the local food pantry, and let the children help you shop for food and go with you to deliver it. Help them realize how lucky they are. Maybe doing this will help you enjoy Christmas again.
Missing your husband at this special 'family' time of year is normal. It requires action on your part. I know it is an old cliché, but helping others really is the way to make yourself happy. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite mailman's uncle's mother-in-law always told about the time her oldest sister, Maria, decided to have a do-for-others Christmas. She started by taking the money that she would use for gifts and put it in a bowl. After Thanksgiving dinner she showed her family a large bowl of $1 bills and asked them to figure out to whom they should donate this money. She wrote down their ideas as they shouted them out.
The whole family took this idea and ran with it. The adults decided not to exchange gifts, but to add that money to the bowl. Then they decided to cut down on the toys for the children, and they added that money to the bowl. They divided the money between three local charities. Even though Maria has long since gone to her heavenly reward, the family has continued this tradition for the past twenty three years.
