Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am leaving next week for a three month vacation to visit my daughter in Los Angeles. I have been toying with the idea of having some plastic surgery while I am there. I will have plenty of time to heal and get used to the difference. I don't want a BIG change, just a 'refreshed' look.
None of my friends have had any work done, so I really would rather they don't know about it. Do you think that if I have it done and also lose 25 pounds during the three months that they will think I look better just because of the weight loss? Going For A New Look
Dear Good Looker,
If you were to go the whole 'movie star' route, it would definitely be noticeable, but if you just have some wrinkles smoothed you will probably get that 'refreshed' look you are after. Losing 25 pounds will make a difference in your appearance, so you just might get away with it.
But, would it really be so bad if your friends figured it out? You did say they are 'friends.' That means they will be happy for you when you are happier with your looks and your life. True friends aren't jealous or judgmental, so go ahead and make yourself happy. Tell or not tell. It is your choice. Good luck. M
P.S. Gertie's neighbor's friend's identical twin sister went 'under the knife' a few years ago. The other twin opted for the natural look. One appeared a little younger for a few years, but now they are identical again. Nothing lasts forever because
'time marches on.'
More reader comments on air travel:
* I think a $20 tip is excessive. They are airport employees and already getting paid.
* On the last trip before my husband died, we were coming back from London and had to go through a large airport from one building to another. I am so thankful that he had wheel chair assistance. He never could have walked that far, and we couldn't have found the right gate in time for our flight. My husband was a large man, and it was quite a distance. $20 didn't seem like enough for the hard work and kindness of the young man who assisted us.
* I tip after we arrive at the gate depending on how far we had to go and the attitude of the attendant. Most are nice, but some are downright surly.
* In Phoenix I grabbed a ride on one of the small 'go-carts' they offer. I wasn't tied on, and it was one heck of a ride to my second airplane. Next trip, non-stop.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Dear Readers: Thank you for your helpful hints on traveling alone. Here is your advice:
1.If you are over sixty always ask for wheelchair assistance when going through a large airport. The employees know their way through this maze and get you to your gate in record time. No worry about getting lost. It is well worth the $20 tip. Make these arrangements when you purchase your ticket.
2. Do get to the airport at least two hours early. Don't be late and expect airport employees to drop everything and pamper you. Follow their rules and expect delays. In that frame of mind, you are ready for today's air travel experience.
3. Be friendly to other fliers at your gate. Get acquainted. Sometimes instructions are given while you are waiting, and you can't hear or understand them. Ask what was said.
4. If you are going to an important event such as a wedding or catching a cruise ship, go a day early to allow for delays. Then relax. There is always another plane.
5. As my uncle Don always said, "Take half as many clothes and twice as much money as you think you will need."
*********************
Dear Maggie Montclair,
My grandchildren are all strong willed and a little spoiled. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I'm tired of the constant arguing.
My children were always competitive, and now it has gone to the next generation. Everyone tries to out do their siblings and cousins and they argue to prove they are the best.
I'm always called to be the mediator. That means someone gets mad at me. I keep telling them to leave me out of their troubles, but they keep coming back for my opinion. I've had enough! How can I tell them to leave me out of it in a way that they know I mean it?
Caught In The Middle
Dear Caught,
Apparently your opinion is highly valued by your family since they keep asking for advice. Maybe you can start giving advice that no one likes.
Instead of being reasonable and actually trying to mediate, try saying, "sounds like two spoiled brats ran into each other" or "neither one of you deserve that award. Is there a third party we can send it to?" Think of more quips that you can say with a chuckle, and refuse to get serious. When they realize you won't even try to sort out their problems, maybe they will do it themselves or find someone else to hound.
One of the joys of aging is that we no longer are in charge of children and grandchildren. We made our share of mistakes, and they deserve the right to make theirs. Some things are just not our business, and we are better off not even knowing the problem. If left to their own devices, our children and grandchildren will solve their own problems without our help. It might not be our way, but that doesn't matter. You won't always be there for them, so they had better learn for themselves starting now.
Many of us have learned that they won't take our good advice anyway. So, save your breath. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress found herself in a similar situation. Her grandchildren brought her at least one problem a day. After she gave them her best possible advice, they did it their own way. She decided she didn't want to hear any more. She said, "I will help you if you help me first."
She then invented a story about an obnoxious customer. The story went on and on and got more ridiculous and convoluted as she talked. She repeated parts over and over again. She talked until her grandchildren wandered away out of boredom. After a few days, they solved their own problems rather than listen to her long boring stories.
They probably thought she had 'gone round the bend', but sometimes that may be a good thing. Especially if they stop asking you to do things you don't want to do!
1.If you are over sixty always ask for wheelchair assistance when going through a large airport. The employees know their way through this maze and get you to your gate in record time. No worry about getting lost. It is well worth the $20 tip. Make these arrangements when you purchase your ticket.
2. Do get to the airport at least two hours early. Don't be late and expect airport employees to drop everything and pamper you. Follow their rules and expect delays. In that frame of mind, you are ready for today's air travel experience.
3. Be friendly to other fliers at your gate. Get acquainted. Sometimes instructions are given while you are waiting, and you can't hear or understand them. Ask what was said.
4. If you are going to an important event such as a wedding or catching a cruise ship, go a day early to allow for delays. Then relax. There is always another plane.
5. As my uncle Don always said, "Take half as many clothes and twice as much money as you think you will need."
*********************
Dear Maggie Montclair,
My grandchildren are all strong willed and a little spoiled. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I'm tired of the constant arguing.
My children were always competitive, and now it has gone to the next generation. Everyone tries to out do their siblings and cousins and they argue to prove they are the best.
I'm always called to be the mediator. That means someone gets mad at me. I keep telling them to leave me out of their troubles, but they keep coming back for my opinion. I've had enough! How can I tell them to leave me out of it in a way that they know I mean it?
Caught In The Middle
Dear Caught,
Apparently your opinion is highly valued by your family since they keep asking for advice. Maybe you can start giving advice that no one likes.
Instead of being reasonable and actually trying to mediate, try saying, "sounds like two spoiled brats ran into each other" or "neither one of you deserve that award. Is there a third party we can send it to?" Think of more quips that you can say with a chuckle, and refuse to get serious. When they realize you won't even try to sort out their problems, maybe they will do it themselves or find someone else to hound.
One of the joys of aging is that we no longer are in charge of children and grandchildren. We made our share of mistakes, and they deserve the right to make theirs. Some things are just not our business, and we are better off not even knowing the problem. If left to their own devices, our children and grandchildren will solve their own problems without our help. It might not be our way, but that doesn't matter. You won't always be there for them, so they had better learn for themselves starting now.
Many of us have learned that they won't take our good advice anyway. So, save your breath. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress found herself in a similar situation. Her grandchildren brought her at least one problem a day. After she gave them her best possible advice, they did it their own way. She decided she didn't want to hear any more. She said, "I will help you if you help me first."
She then invented a story about an obnoxious customer. The story went on and on and got more ridiculous and convoluted as she talked. She repeated parts over and over again. She talked until her grandchildren wandered away out of boredom. After a few days, they solved their own problems rather than listen to her long boring stories.
They probably thought she had 'gone round the bend', but sometimes that may be a good thing. Especially if they stop asking you to do things you don't want to do!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have had several wonderful vacations with my widowed and Red Hat friends. We laughed off the hassles of getting through airport security and helped each other gather our belongings. There were always a few of us with artificial hips and knees so I didn't feel embarrassed when I was pulled aside for further inspection.
My daughter wants me to fly across the country and visit her for a month. I would love to be with her and my grandchildren, but to be honest, I'm afraid to fly alone.
Every news show is talking about terrorists putting bombs on planes that may not be detected by security. That scares me to death! I'll be singled out because of my hip and knee replacements, and taking off my shoes is difficult while standing in line. I don't like to be barefoot or in my stocking feet in a dirty airport.
I can't manage walking very far with any luggage, so I check everything except my purse and a jacket. The planes are often cold, and they charge for a pillow and blanket. I'm wondering if a vacation is worth all this stress. Do I stay home or go even though I'm terrified to try it a alone?
Not Flying Solo
Dear Reluctant Flier,
I understand your dilemma. Everything is more fun and easier with a group of friends.
You did not mention your age or health so this is a decision you will have to make entirely on your own. Write down the pros and cons, and decide what you can do without getting so upset that you get sick.
Maybe having a cell phone with you will give you the confidence you need, or if a grandchild is old enough, you could ask them to fly to you and then back with you. Of course, you would have to fly home alone or buy yet another round trip ticket. I guess that would depend on your finances and the age of your grandchildren. I know you will think it through and make the best decision for your situation.
Readers: Do you have any hints that make traveling easier for you? M
P.S. Gertie flies all over the world with groups and alone. She has a simple outlook. When it's your time to go, you will go. Until then, she enjoys everyday no matter where she is. She wears loafers to travel and packs her walking shoes in her checked luggage. When she purchases her ticket she makes arrangements for a wheel chair assistance. Of course, she always tips well.
She told me, "Travel time is your enemy only if you let it run or ruin your vacation. When delays happen, and they will, just figure it was for a good reason, and look for a better outcome." Instead of coming home exhausted, she comes back refreshed and full of stories.
Gertie has experienced everything from volcanic ash to earthquakes and met scores of interesting people along the way. Her daughters say she wouldn't call them for help if her leg was caught in a bear trap! She may seem fearless, but in actuality, she is overflowing with faith. What a way to live!
I have had several wonderful vacations with my widowed and Red Hat friends. We laughed off the hassles of getting through airport security and helped each other gather our belongings. There were always a few of us with artificial hips and knees so I didn't feel embarrassed when I was pulled aside for further inspection.
My daughter wants me to fly across the country and visit her for a month. I would love to be with her and my grandchildren, but to be honest, I'm afraid to fly alone.
Every news show is talking about terrorists putting bombs on planes that may not be detected by security. That scares me to death! I'll be singled out because of my hip and knee replacements, and taking off my shoes is difficult while standing in line. I don't like to be barefoot or in my stocking feet in a dirty airport.
I can't manage walking very far with any luggage, so I check everything except my purse and a jacket. The planes are often cold, and they charge for a pillow and blanket. I'm wondering if a vacation is worth all this stress. Do I stay home or go even though I'm terrified to try it a alone?
Not Flying Solo
Dear Reluctant Flier,
I understand your dilemma. Everything is more fun and easier with a group of friends.
You did not mention your age or health so this is a decision you will have to make entirely on your own. Write down the pros and cons, and decide what you can do without getting so upset that you get sick.
Maybe having a cell phone with you will give you the confidence you need, or if a grandchild is old enough, you could ask them to fly to you and then back with you. Of course, you would have to fly home alone or buy yet another round trip ticket. I guess that would depend on your finances and the age of your grandchildren. I know you will think it through and make the best decision for your situation.
Readers: Do you have any hints that make traveling easier for you? M
P.S. Gertie flies all over the world with groups and alone. She has a simple outlook. When it's your time to go, you will go. Until then, she enjoys everyday no matter where she is. She wears loafers to travel and packs her walking shoes in her checked luggage. When she purchases her ticket she makes arrangements for a wheel chair assistance. Of course, she always tips well.
She told me, "Travel time is your enemy only if you let it run or ruin your vacation. When delays happen, and they will, just figure it was for a good reason, and look for a better outcome." Instead of coming home exhausted, she comes back refreshed and full of stories.
Gertie has experienced everything from volcanic ash to earthquakes and met scores of interesting people along the way. Her daughters say she wouldn't call them for help if her leg was caught in a bear trap! She may seem fearless, but in actuality, she is overflowing with faith. What a way to live!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Mother's Day is almost here, and I'm getting depressed. I have four wonderful children who remember me with phone calls, cards, flowers, and gifts. But, they all live out of state, so even though they love me and remember me, I'm alone. Every Sunday afternoon is lonely, but Mother's Day is the worst.
I feel guilty for even admitting that I'm miserable on Mother's Day when so many women aren't even remembered by their busy children. How can I quit feeling sorry for myself?
Alone on Mother's Day
Dear Lonely Mother,
We miss those we love and never seem to see them often enough. Don't feel guilty or let yourself get depressed.
Do something for yourself on Mother's Day. Surely you know at least one person in the same situation. Go through your list of friends and acquaintances and see how many women you know who may be alone on Sunday. Call each of them and invite them to your house, or a movie and dinner. If they come to your house, just make it an afternoon of conversation and cards. Serve simple sandwiches or all of you go out to eat. You might find that you enjoy Sunday afternoon get-togethers so much that you want to make it a habit.
M
P.S Gertie's high school classmate's sister's neighbor dreaded Sunday afternoon and evening. She attended church and then went to lunch with friends. But, the time between 2:00p.m. and bedtime seemed like forever.
One day her granddaughter needed information for a school project. She asked about life when grandma was a little girl. Later, the granddaughter brought her the report with a big A+ at the top. She wanted to know more about her grandmother's life.
Now, Sunday afternoon and evening is 'writing time.' She carries a notebook with her, and whenever she thinks of something to put in her "history book" she jots it down. She says she finds that her mind is now occupied with happy memories. Her goal is to write 1,000 words every Sunday.
So far, she has written all the old family stories that have been passed from generation to generation. No one knows if they are true, but that doesn't matter as long as they are entertaining. Now she is writing about her own life and says she only tells of incidents that make her appear kind and generous. In other words, she puts herself in the best possible light. She says "It's my story, so I can write it anyway I want. If someone remembers something in a different way, they can write their own book."
When her epic is complete, she plans to have it published and give copies to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. All 43 of them.
Mother's Day is almost here, and I'm getting depressed. I have four wonderful children who remember me with phone calls, cards, flowers, and gifts. But, they all live out of state, so even though they love me and remember me, I'm alone. Every Sunday afternoon is lonely, but Mother's Day is the worst.
I feel guilty for even admitting that I'm miserable on Mother's Day when so many women aren't even remembered by their busy children. How can I quit feeling sorry for myself?
Alone on Mother's Day
Dear Lonely Mother,
We miss those we love and never seem to see them often enough. Don't feel guilty or let yourself get depressed.
Do something for yourself on Mother's Day. Surely you know at least one person in the same situation. Go through your list of friends and acquaintances and see how many women you know who may be alone on Sunday. Call each of them and invite them to your house, or a movie and dinner. If they come to your house, just make it an afternoon of conversation and cards. Serve simple sandwiches or all of you go out to eat. You might find that you enjoy Sunday afternoon get-togethers so much that you want to make it a habit.
M
P.S Gertie's high school classmate's sister's neighbor dreaded Sunday afternoon and evening. She attended church and then went to lunch with friends. But, the time between 2:00p.m. and bedtime seemed like forever.
One day her granddaughter needed information for a school project. She asked about life when grandma was a little girl. Later, the granddaughter brought her the report with a big A+ at the top. She wanted to know more about her grandmother's life.
Now, Sunday afternoon and evening is 'writing time.' She carries a notebook with her, and whenever she thinks of something to put in her "history book" she jots it down. She says she finds that her mind is now occupied with happy memories. Her goal is to write 1,000 words every Sunday.
So far, she has written all the old family stories that have been passed from generation to generation. No one knows if they are true, but that doesn't matter as long as they are entertaining. Now she is writing about her own life and says she only tells of incidents that make her appear kind and generous. In other words, she puts herself in the best possible light. She says "It's my story, so I can write it anyway I want. If someone remembers something in a different way, they can write their own book."
When her epic is complete, she plans to have it published and give copies to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. All 43 of them.
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