Dear Maggie Montclair,
I went to a family reunion this summer and saw relatives that I hadn't seen since high school. Two of my favorite aunts, twins aged 89, were visiting and I overheard one say to the other, "Just look around. Hardly any of our girls take good care of themselves."
I couldn't let that pass and asked them what made them come to that conclusion. They explained that it was their opinion that women who valued themselves would eat healthy and maintain a weight in proportion to her height. She would take a few minutes to make herself as attractive as possible and would dress appropriately for her age and the occasion.
I looked around and saw middle aged, overweight women wearing faded t-shirts, ripped jeans, short shorts, no make-up, and hair that needed a good shampoo and style. I was part of that group. Granted, there were a few who were dressed neatly, had attractive hair styles, and pretty nails. They looked as if this reunion was important enough to them that they took care with their appearance. Suddenly, I wished that I had taken time for myself, because I really was excited to be there. I just didn't think that I could do anything to make myself look good. I have felt fat and ugly for a long time.
The aunts weren't criticizing us as much as they were feeling sorry for us. Sorry that we had spent so much of our lives taking care of others that we forgot our own value. Sorry that we had forgotten to take the best possible care of this amazing body that we were born with. Sorry we forgot how important it is to our outlook on life to be our very best.
We spent more time preparing our brownies or potato salad than we spent getting ourselves ready. How does that make sense when the food will be consumed in 20 minutes? Then we have to clean up the mess. All the while, forgetting that we hope to be around for years to come.
Since that Saturday in June, I have spent a few minutes every day just taking care of myself. I want to look like my favorite aunts when I am 89 years old.
Lookin' Better Every Day
Dear Good Lookin',
You have the right idea! I bet you will look fabulous at 95. We women find it hard to pamper ourselves, so maybe we need to think about it as taking care of our investment in ourselves. We don't want to end up in a nursing home. That means we need good health. Good health means taking care of ourselves. We might as well look good, too. It doesn't need to cost more money, just more planning. M
P.S. Gertie's friend's mother's second cousin made a big change in her life. She read that if you wanted to be happier with your life, you were supposed to imagine that you came from another planet and are now inhabiting this body and this life. You are supposed to change it into the 'perfect' life.
She realized her weight was fine. She needed work on posture and style. Finances were tight, so she shopped the thrift stores and learned to accessorize. She checked magazines and found a hairstyle that she liked and could fix. She looked at her family and co-workers through the eyes of a stranger and found she liked most of them. Some, she still couldn't stand, so she avoided them as much as possible, but remained polite and helpful.
Six months later, she was a much happier person and felt more confident at work. Will that work for everyone? I don't know. Is it worth trying? If you want to make some positive changes, it can't hurt.
As they say: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome each time."
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Dear Maggie,
I recently joined a social organization for single women. I am amazed that even though there is a 40 year difference in age between the youngest and oldest member of this group, the friendships are strong and rewarding.
Are all groups this compatible, or are we an exception? We go to restaurants, plays, each others homes, etc. If we are free that evening, we go. If we have other plans, we don't. No one keeps track or puts pressure on others in the group. We don't have meetings or officers, just an activity committee. They make plans for two activities a month for one year. We each get the list that tells us what, where, when, and who is the contact person for that particular activity.
I found this group by answering an ad in my local newspaper. It was the best thing that I have done for myself in a long time. There is nothing like friendship and fun to give your life that spark it needs.
Having Fun In Florida
Dear Having fun,
What a wonderful way to form a group. I suggest anyone who wants to meet other women for 'friendship and fun' to follow your lead and either answer such an ad or plan an activity and place an ad in your local newspaper. M
RESPONSES TO LAST WEEKS LETTER ABOUT 'CARTOON' NAMES:
"My name was worse than a 'cartoon' name. It was downright disgusting. As soon as I turned eighteen, I legally changed both my first and last name. My parent's choice of name put me through years of ridicule, and now I don't want anything to do with them. People who deliberately put an innocent child through such misery don't deserve to have children." Finally, a normal name in North Carolina
"My name was silly and caused a lot of teasing. I learned to ignore it, but was careful to select a husband with a short last name. Names are important." Nice name now.
P.S. As I have mentioned before, Gertie loves to recite quotes even when she doesn't know the authors name. (Sometimes, I think she makes them up.) When she read the letter from 'Having Fun In Florida,' she shared two quotes.
"All adults are the same age." (She claims that is why the number of years one has lived is not an accurate definition of an adult. It is not the years, it is the wisdom that makes one an adult.)
Another definition of adult: "A person who does what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, whether they feel like it or not."
I recently joined a social organization for single women. I am amazed that even though there is a 40 year difference in age between the youngest and oldest member of this group, the friendships are strong and rewarding.
Are all groups this compatible, or are we an exception? We go to restaurants, plays, each others homes, etc. If we are free that evening, we go. If we have other plans, we don't. No one keeps track or puts pressure on others in the group. We don't have meetings or officers, just an activity committee. They make plans for two activities a month for one year. We each get the list that tells us what, where, when, and who is the contact person for that particular activity.
I found this group by answering an ad in my local newspaper. It was the best thing that I have done for myself in a long time. There is nothing like friendship and fun to give your life that spark it needs.
Having Fun In Florida
Dear Having fun,
What a wonderful way to form a group. I suggest anyone who wants to meet other women for 'friendship and fun' to follow your lead and either answer such an ad or plan an activity and place an ad in your local newspaper. M
RESPONSES TO LAST WEEKS LETTER ABOUT 'CARTOON' NAMES:
"My name was worse than a 'cartoon' name. It was downright disgusting. As soon as I turned eighteen, I legally changed both my first and last name. My parent's choice of name put me through years of ridicule, and now I don't want anything to do with them. People who deliberately put an innocent child through such misery don't deserve to have children." Finally, a normal name in North Carolina
"My name was silly and caused a lot of teasing. I learned to ignore it, but was careful to select a husband with a short last name. Names are important." Nice name now.
P.S. As I have mentioned before, Gertie loves to recite quotes even when she doesn't know the authors name. (Sometimes, I think she makes them up.) When she read the letter from 'Having Fun In Florida,' she shared two quotes.
"All adults are the same age." (She claims that is why the number of years one has lived is not an accurate definition of an adult. It is not the years, it is the wisdom that makes one an adult.)
Another definition of adult: "A person who does what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, whether they feel like it or not."
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for three years. I loved my husband with all my heart and was as surprised as everyone else when I met and fell in love with another man.
We get along so well and have many interests in common. Both of our families and friends like each other and are supportive of our relationship. He has asked me to marry him, and I would say yes in a heartbeat if it wasn't for his last name. When I say my first name and his last name....it sounds like a cartoon character.
Our friends laugh when they realize what my name would be. Even my children laugh and think it's cute. Only my fifteen year old granddaughter is as embarrassed as I am.
Should I swallow my pride and just laugh with everyone else? I'm afraid that I will come to resent my name and be sorry that I remarried. How do others handle a situation like this?
Cartoon Cathy in California
Dear Cartoon Cathy,
Many women go through life with names that are interesting, to say the least. I would love to hear from my readers that have this dilemma and learn how they handle it.
I am always surprised when parents give their children names that will cause embarrassment or difficulty in school. A name should be appropriate for a lifetime. Cute baby type names are not so appealing at age 70. Made-up names with weird spellings cause problems for everyone concerned. I urge parents to think twice when naming children. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's mother-in-laws neighbor's cousin is named Dorothy. All of her life she has gone by "Dottie." The last name of the man she fell in love with was Duda. That made her name, "Dottie Duda." She enjoys the fun and claims it makes everyone smile when she introduces herself. Also, no one ever forgets her name. So, apparently the best way to handle this situation is with a good sense of humor. Enjoy the fun.
I have been widowed for three years. I loved my husband with all my heart and was as surprised as everyone else when I met and fell in love with another man.
We get along so well and have many interests in common. Both of our families and friends like each other and are supportive of our relationship. He has asked me to marry him, and I would say yes in a heartbeat if it wasn't for his last name. When I say my first name and his last name....it sounds like a cartoon character.
Our friends laugh when they realize what my name would be. Even my children laugh and think it's cute. Only my fifteen year old granddaughter is as embarrassed as I am.
Should I swallow my pride and just laugh with everyone else? I'm afraid that I will come to resent my name and be sorry that I remarried. How do others handle a situation like this?
Cartoon Cathy in California
Dear Cartoon Cathy,
Many women go through life with names that are interesting, to say the least. I would love to hear from my readers that have this dilemma and learn how they handle it.
I am always surprised when parents give their children names that will cause embarrassment or difficulty in school. A name should be appropriate for a lifetime. Cute baby type names are not so appealing at age 70. Made-up names with weird spellings cause problems for everyone concerned. I urge parents to think twice when naming children. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's mother-in-laws neighbor's cousin is named Dorothy. All of her life she has gone by "Dottie." The last name of the man she fell in love with was Duda. That made her name, "Dottie Duda." She enjoys the fun and claims it makes everyone smile when she introduces herself. Also, no one ever forgets her name. So, apparently the best way to handle this situation is with a good sense of humor. Enjoy the fun.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am a widow with wonderful children who check with me daily to make sure that I am well and have everything that I need. I still drive and do all my own shopping and housework. I am always busy with friends and lead an active social life. In spite of my resistance, they insist that I need a cat or dog for company.
I don't want a dog. Or a cat. Or a bird. I don't have anything against house pets, it's just that I've had enough pets for one lifetime.
When my kids were at home we had dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, fish, and a guinea pig. To this day, whenever I smell cedar, I look for a rodent!
My birthday is getting close, and my grandson has been dropping hints that I will just LOVE my present. He says, "You won't be lonely anymore." I say, "I'm not lonely now," but they don't hear me. They all have dogs and cats and just can't imagine that anyone could be happy without a pet.
What do I do if my birthday present is a dog or a cat?
No hair on the furniture, please
Dear Hairless,
I totally understand. Pets are WORK. They must be fed, groomed, taken to the vet, and either walked or have their litter box changed. There is hair that requires extra vacuuming, accidents that need to be cleaned up, and arrangements to be made when you want to take a vacation. There is always the danger of being tripped by having a small animal under your feet. Many a hip has been broken by such a fall.
You can refuse the 'gift' with a 'no thank you.' They can add it to their own collection of pets. If you tell them that you are afraid you will break a hip, they may be disappointed, but I'm sure they do not want to be the cause of an accident. Animals are wonderful loving companions, if you want to be a pet owner. M
P.S. Gertie here: I had dogs all my life and loved every one of them. But, my apartment won't allow them, and now after so many years, I don't think I would go back to pets even if I could. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for a pet. I feel lucky just to be able to take care of myself.
I want to come and go as I please and not have to be home to let the dog out. I don't want to have to brush cat hair off myself every time I leave the house. Nothing is really a gift if it causes a person more work or to miss out on the fun part of their life.
If they are so worried about mom being lonely, they can take her out to dinner more often.
I am a widow with wonderful children who check with me daily to make sure that I am well and have everything that I need. I still drive and do all my own shopping and housework. I am always busy with friends and lead an active social life. In spite of my resistance, they insist that I need a cat or dog for company.
I don't want a dog. Or a cat. Or a bird. I don't have anything against house pets, it's just that I've had enough pets for one lifetime.
When my kids were at home we had dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, fish, and a guinea pig. To this day, whenever I smell cedar, I look for a rodent!
My birthday is getting close, and my grandson has been dropping hints that I will just LOVE my present. He says, "You won't be lonely anymore." I say, "I'm not lonely now," but they don't hear me. They all have dogs and cats and just can't imagine that anyone could be happy without a pet.
What do I do if my birthday present is a dog or a cat?
No hair on the furniture, please
Dear Hairless,
I totally understand. Pets are WORK. They must be fed, groomed, taken to the vet, and either walked or have their litter box changed. There is hair that requires extra vacuuming, accidents that need to be cleaned up, and arrangements to be made when you want to take a vacation. There is always the danger of being tripped by having a small animal under your feet. Many a hip has been broken by such a fall.
You can refuse the 'gift' with a 'no thank you.' They can add it to their own collection of pets. If you tell them that you are afraid you will break a hip, they may be disappointed, but I'm sure they do not want to be the cause of an accident. Animals are wonderful loving companions, if you want to be a pet owner. M
P.S. Gertie here: I had dogs all my life and loved every one of them. But, my apartment won't allow them, and now after so many years, I don't think I would go back to pets even if I could. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for a pet. I feel lucky just to be able to take care of myself.
I want to come and go as I please and not have to be home to let the dog out. I don't want to have to brush cat hair off myself every time I leave the house. Nothing is really a gift if it causes a person more work or to miss out on the fun part of their life.
If they are so worried about mom being lonely, they can take her out to dinner more often.
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