Dear Maggie Montclair,
I want to comment on the letter about going to class reunions.
I never went because I thought that I was just to busy. I decided to go this year since this was a big one. I told myself that after 45 years, it would be fun to see everyone and have a good time reminiscing.
Oh, how I wish that I had gone to all those other reunions. So many of my classmates have died in the years since our graduation. Some in accidents. Some from cancer and other illnesses. I remember all those young faces and wish they could have lived to join us.
We donated to the school Scholarship Fund in their names and spent much of the evening mourning those friends we missed. I discovered that all my classmates had, at times, felt lonely and left out just as I had.
Now, as adults, we understand that we had expected too much from ourselves and each other. When we were raising our own teens, we realized just how immature and insecure we had been.
My advice for everyone is to go to your reunion regardless of your weight, financial situation,marriage status, or how much hair you have on your head. Celebrate the fact that you are alive and can share memories with'old'friends.
Old Party Girl in Pennsylvania
Dear Kick-up-your heels,
You certainly are wise. Mature adults do what they can to look their best and then forget about themselves and concentrate on enjoying the moment. That is the best recipe for a good reunion. Go have fun with 'old' friends. M
P.S. Gertie went to her last reunion dressed as a cheerleader. She had gone to try-outs every year but never made the squad. So, she decided it was time to cross "Lead a cheer" off her BUCKET LIST. She did it and challenged everyone else to plan for next year and do something to cross off their list.
Wouldn't that be a fun reunion? I wonder how many cheerleaders, prom queens, singers, dancers, and stand-up comedians are hiding among your friends. What are you hiding? Cross it off your BUCKET LIST while you still can.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for two years, and with the help of family and friends, I am doing well. A few months ago I received an invitation to my High School 50th class reunion. I have put off responding because I couldn't decide if I wanted to travel across the country to see people who had mistreated and ignored me.
High School was not a 'fun' time for me. I was overweight, shy, and an underachiever. I guess I was what you call the quintessential late bloomer. I was never included in the social life of the class and although I didn't think that I cared at the time, I realized when my daughters were teenagers that I missed out on so much. I resent my classmates for not inviting me to join them. During my college years I slimmed down and gained confidence and academic success.
I married a wonderful man and we both had rewarding careers while raising two loving daughters. My parents were transferred from my home town shortly after graduation, so I never had a reason to go back, and I was busy with my own life when they had previous reunions.
Now, I am tempted to go back and let them see that they really missed something when they ignored and ridiculed the 'fat girl.' I admit that I want to see the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen and kind of 'strut-my-stuff'in front of them. Is it terrible of me to think that way? My daughters are encouraging me to go, and one has even offered to go with me. What do you think?
Late Bloomer in Indiana
Dear Blossom,
I can understand your desire to 'show-off.' You have come a long way, baby, and you know it. You would probably enjoy the evening and your memories of that night more if you went with a different attiitude.
Would you be able to pull off a "Yes, it is me. I was certainly a late bloomer." That lets them admire you without feeling guily because you are not blaming them. They can go home thinking that they wish they had treated you differently. They will be impressed with your gracious attitude while remembering that they had been the mean girls.
Maybe they will tell their granddaughters about the beautiful, successful woman at the reunion that they used to put down. That might help some young girls today. Who knows, one of them may have a late-blooming granddaughter. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress's best friend's daughter had been a late bloomer. She went back to her 20th reunion with an attitude. Later in the evening, she overhead two classmates talking about her. Instead of being impressed with her grown-up self, they had found yet another reason to dislike her. This time it was her snotty attitude. Yes, they were still shallow and didn't realize that they had been bratty teenagers, but she didn't give them the opportunity to know her as the gracious and confident adult she had become.
It is always a good idea to error on the side of kindness.
I have been widowed for two years, and with the help of family and friends, I am doing well. A few months ago I received an invitation to my High School 50th class reunion. I have put off responding because I couldn't decide if I wanted to travel across the country to see people who had mistreated and ignored me.
High School was not a 'fun' time for me. I was overweight, shy, and an underachiever. I guess I was what you call the quintessential late bloomer. I was never included in the social life of the class and although I didn't think that I cared at the time, I realized when my daughters were teenagers that I missed out on so much. I resent my classmates for not inviting me to join them. During my college years I slimmed down and gained confidence and academic success.
I married a wonderful man and we both had rewarding careers while raising two loving daughters. My parents were transferred from my home town shortly after graduation, so I never had a reason to go back, and I was busy with my own life when they had previous reunions.
Now, I am tempted to go back and let them see that they really missed something when they ignored and ridiculed the 'fat girl.' I admit that I want to see the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen and kind of 'strut-my-stuff'in front of them. Is it terrible of me to think that way? My daughters are encouraging me to go, and one has even offered to go with me. What do you think?
Late Bloomer in Indiana
Dear Blossom,
I can understand your desire to 'show-off.' You have come a long way, baby, and you know it. You would probably enjoy the evening and your memories of that night more if you went with a different attiitude.
Would you be able to pull off a "Yes, it is me. I was certainly a late bloomer." That lets them admire you without feeling guily because you are not blaming them. They can go home thinking that they wish they had treated you differently. They will be impressed with your gracious attitude while remembering that they had been the mean girls.
Maybe they will tell their granddaughters about the beautiful, successful woman at the reunion that they used to put down. That might help some young girls today. Who knows, one of them may have a late-blooming granddaughter. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress's best friend's daughter had been a late bloomer. She went back to her 20th reunion with an attitude. Later in the evening, she overhead two classmates talking about her. Instead of being impressed with her grown-up self, they had found yet another reason to dislike her. This time it was her snotty attitude. Yes, they were still shallow and didn't realize that they had been bratty teenagers, but she didn't give them the opportunity to know her as the gracious and confident adult she had become.
It is always a good idea to error on the side of kindness.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am worried about my widowed mother. She has been alone for eighteen months and just won't take an interest in anything. She is only sixty-seven years old, but has aged so much since dad died. She has gained weight, quit wearing make-up or fixing her hair and just sits around the house watching television and eating junk food.
My brother says that I am expecting too much too soon and that she just needs more time to adjust. Her friends have called saying how worried they are. Do I go with my instinct and that of her friends or do I do as my brother insists and give her more time?
Waiting and Worrying in Wisconsin
Dear WWW,
I'm sure your brother has your mother's best interest at heart, but let's face it. Men don't always understand the women in their life. Every son wants to think that his mother is 'just fine.'
Go with your instinct and get your mother to her doctor. She definitely needs professional help. If you are not satisfied with her doctor, get another opinion. Don't stop until she is well again. Grief takes many roads, and some require medical assistance. Good Luck. M
P.S. Gertie's tennis instructor's best friend's sister became depressed after the loss of her husband. She was lucky and had a daughter who just wouldn't let her mother suffer. It took seeing three different doctor's before finding the one who understood depression in the elderly. Depression has different triggers and reacts differently in people as they age. A doctor who specializes in 'geriatric medicine' is a good place to start.
Do everything you can to help your mother. She took care of you. Now it's your turn to be in charge.
I am worried about my widowed mother. She has been alone for eighteen months and just won't take an interest in anything. She is only sixty-seven years old, but has aged so much since dad died. She has gained weight, quit wearing make-up or fixing her hair and just sits around the house watching television and eating junk food.
My brother says that I am expecting too much too soon and that she just needs more time to adjust. Her friends have called saying how worried they are. Do I go with my instinct and that of her friends or do I do as my brother insists and give her more time?
Waiting and Worrying in Wisconsin
Dear WWW,
I'm sure your brother has your mother's best interest at heart, but let's face it. Men don't always understand the women in their life. Every son wants to think that his mother is 'just fine.'
Go with your instinct and get your mother to her doctor. She definitely needs professional help. If you are not satisfied with her doctor, get another opinion. Don't stop until she is well again. Grief takes many roads, and some require medical assistance. Good Luck. M
P.S. Gertie's tennis instructor's best friend's sister became depressed after the loss of her husband. She was lucky and had a daughter who just wouldn't let her mother suffer. It took seeing three different doctor's before finding the one who understood depression in the elderly. Depression has different triggers and reacts differently in people as they age. A doctor who specializes in 'geriatric medicine' is a good place to start.
Do everything you can to help your mother. She took care of you. Now it's your turn to be in charge.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Maggie Montclair is 'on the road' doing Book Signings and Speaking Engagements.
The following is an excerpt from Surviving Widowhood with Maggie Montclair and Friends.
Memo To Myself
Go ahead
keep your loneliness, wrap it around you
like a cloak.
Climb your battlements
to gaze beyond.
missing joy
here at your feet.
But remember, he who builds walls
leaves fences unmended....
Lois G Harvey
P.S. Gertie says, get off your 'pity-pot' and do something
for others. It will be fun for you!
The following is an excerpt from Surviving Widowhood with Maggie Montclair and Friends.
Memo To Myself
Go ahead
keep your loneliness, wrap it around you
like a cloak.
Climb your battlements
to gaze beyond.
missing joy
here at your feet.
But remember, he who builds walls
leaves fences unmended....
Lois G Harvey
P.S. Gertie says, get off your 'pity-pot' and do something
for others. It will be fun for you!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for 18 months and am suffering the usual sad feelings when I hear 'our' music or see old movies. But, my triggers go even farther. The hardest thing for me is Lemon Pie! I actually cry when I see a slice.
You see, I made a lemon pie for Sunday supper every week for years and years. We didn't eat dessert all week, but every Sunday night our family always enjoyed 'together time' with lemon pie. It was Don's favorite so our children learned to love it, too.
Now, they think it would be good for all of us to get together again on Sunday night for lemon pie. They would like me to make it, but if I won't they will buy one. What do you think?
Can't Bake a Lemon Pie
Dear Can't Bake,
People have all kinds of triggers that cause emotional pain. I've never heard of it before, but why not a lemon pie?
What to do about it? You can't be forced to 'get over' grieving. Time helps, and you can talk to yourself about what you want life to be like five years from now. Do you think you want to go through the rest of your life never again enjoying lemon pie with your family? Think about it for a while. Remember the good times you shared.
Maybe start by having your children buy a pie and eating it at their house. Get through that evening. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate. A few tears aren't the end of the world. Next week, you could make the pie and take it to their house. On the third week, make the pie and invite everyone to your home.
It might help if you think of this as a way to honor your husband, and thank him for giving you so many good times. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. So many families don't have such wonderful memories. Don was a blessing that you don't want to forget. Let this wonderful tradition be passed on to your grandchildren. M
P.S. Gertie's sister's neighbor's mother always thought she saw her husband in a crowd. Even years after his death, she would elbow her way through and tap a man on the shoulder. When he turned toward her, she sighed and apologized, saying she thought he was someone else.
Her daughter could never understand why her mother did this since she knew he was dead and had seen him in the casket. Whatever the reason, it was harmless.
Now the mother has passed and the daughter admits to thinking she sees her in a crowd. One never knows what idiosyncrasies will get passed from generation to generation.
I have been widowed for 18 months and am suffering the usual sad feelings when I hear 'our' music or see old movies. But, my triggers go even farther. The hardest thing for me is Lemon Pie! I actually cry when I see a slice.
You see, I made a lemon pie for Sunday supper every week for years and years. We didn't eat dessert all week, but every Sunday night our family always enjoyed 'together time' with lemon pie. It was Don's favorite so our children learned to love it, too.
Now, they think it would be good for all of us to get together again on Sunday night for lemon pie. They would like me to make it, but if I won't they will buy one. What do you think?
Can't Bake a Lemon Pie
Dear Can't Bake,
People have all kinds of triggers that cause emotional pain. I've never heard of it before, but why not a lemon pie?
What to do about it? You can't be forced to 'get over' grieving. Time helps, and you can talk to yourself about what you want life to be like five years from now. Do you think you want to go through the rest of your life never again enjoying lemon pie with your family? Think about it for a while. Remember the good times you shared.
Maybe start by having your children buy a pie and eating it at their house. Get through that evening. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate. A few tears aren't the end of the world. Next week, you could make the pie and take it to their house. On the third week, make the pie and invite everyone to your home.
It might help if you think of this as a way to honor your husband, and thank him for giving you so many good times. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. So many families don't have such wonderful memories. Don was a blessing that you don't want to forget. Let this wonderful tradition be passed on to your grandchildren. M
P.S. Gertie's sister's neighbor's mother always thought she saw her husband in a crowd. Even years after his death, she would elbow her way through and tap a man on the shoulder. When he turned toward her, she sighed and apologized, saying she thought he was someone else.
Her daughter could never understand why her mother did this since she knew he was dead and had seen him in the casket. Whatever the reason, it was harmless.
Now the mother has passed and the daughter admits to thinking she sees her in a crowd. One never knows what idiosyncrasies will get passed from generation to generation.
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