Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for 18 months and am suffering the usual sad feelings when I hear 'our' music or see old movies. But, my triggers go even farther. The hardest thing for me is Lemon Pie! I actually cry when I see a slice.
You see, I made a lemon pie for Sunday supper every week for years and years. We didn't eat dessert all week, but every Sunday night our family always enjoyed 'together time' with lemon pie. It was Don's favorite so our children learned to love it, too.
Now, they think it would be good for all of us to get together again on Sunday night for lemon pie. They would like me to make it, but if I won't they will buy one. What do you think?
Can't Bake a Lemon Pie
Dear Can't Bake,
People have all kinds of triggers that cause emotional pain. I've never heard of it before, but why not a lemon pie?
What to do about it? You can't be forced to 'get over' grieving. Time helps, and you can talk to yourself about what you want life to be like five years from now. Do you think you want to go through the rest of your life never again enjoying lemon pie with your family? Think about it for a while. Remember the good times you shared.
Maybe start by having your children buy a pie and eating it at their house. Get through that evening. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate. A few tears aren't the end of the world. Next week, you could make the pie and take it to their house. On the third week, make the pie and invite everyone to your home.
It might help if you think of this as a way to honor your husband, and thank him for giving you so many good times. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. So many families don't have such wonderful memories. Don was a blessing that you don't want to forget. Let this wonderful tradition be passed on to your grandchildren. M
P.S. Gertie's sister's neighbor's mother always thought she saw her husband in a crowd. Even years after his death, she would elbow her way through and tap a man on the shoulder. When he turned toward her, she sighed and apologized, saying she thought he was someone else.
Her daughter could never understand why her mother did this since she knew he was dead and had seen him in the casket. Whatever the reason, it was harmless.
Now the mother has passed and the daughter admits to thinking she sees her in a crowd. One never knows what idiosyncrasies will get passed from generation to generation.
