Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am worried about my widowed mother. She has been alone for eighteen months and just won't take an interest in anything. She is only sixty-seven years old, but has aged so much since dad died. She has gained weight, quit wearing make-up or fixing her hair and just sits around the house watching television and eating junk food.
My brother says that I am expecting too much too soon and that she just needs more time to adjust. Her friends have called saying how worried they are. Do I go with my instinct and that of her friends or do I do as my brother insists and give her more time?
Waiting and Worrying in Wisconsin
Dear WWW,
I'm sure your brother has your mother's best interest at heart, but let's face it. Men don't always understand the women in their life. Every son wants to think that his mother is 'just fine.'
Go with your instinct and get your mother to her doctor. She definitely needs professional help. If you are not satisfied with her doctor, get another opinion. Don't stop until she is well again. Grief takes many roads, and some require medical assistance. Good Luck. M
P.S. Gertie's tennis instructor's best friend's sister became depressed after the loss of her husband. She was lucky and had a daughter who just wouldn't let her mother suffer. It took seeing three different doctor's before finding the one who understood depression in the elderly. Depression has different triggers and reacts differently in people as they age. A doctor who specializes in 'geriatric medicine' is a good place to start.
Do everything you can to help your mother. She took care of you. Now it's your turn to be in charge.
