Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for two years, and with the help of family and friends, I am doing well. A few months ago I received an invitation to my High School 50th class reunion. I have put off responding because I couldn't decide if I wanted to travel across the country to see people who had mistreated and ignored me.
High School was not a 'fun' time for me. I was overweight, shy, and an underachiever. I guess I was what you call the quintessential late bloomer. I was never included in the social life of the class and although I didn't think that I cared at the time, I realized when my daughters were teenagers that I missed out on so much. I resent my classmates for not inviting me to join them. During my college years I slimmed down and gained confidence and academic success.
I married a wonderful man and we both had rewarding careers while raising two loving daughters. My parents were transferred from my home town shortly after graduation, so I never had a reason to go back, and I was busy with my own life when they had previous reunions.
Now, I am tempted to go back and let them see that they really missed something when they ignored and ridiculed the 'fat girl.' I admit that I want to see the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen and kind of 'strut-my-stuff'in front of them. Is it terrible of me to think that way? My daughters are encouraging me to go, and one has even offered to go with me. What do you think?
Late Bloomer in Indiana
Dear Blossom,
I can understand your desire to 'show-off.' You have come a long way, baby, and you know it. You would probably enjoy the evening and your memories of that night more if you went with a different attiitude.
Would you be able to pull off a "Yes, it is me. I was certainly a late bloomer." That lets them admire you without feeling guily because you are not blaming them. They can go home thinking that they wish they had treated you differently. They will be impressed with your gracious attitude while remembering that they had been the mean girls.
Maybe they will tell their granddaughters about the beautiful, successful woman at the reunion that they used to put down. That might help some young girls today. Who knows, one of them may have a late-blooming granddaughter. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress's best friend's daughter had been a late bloomer. She went back to her 20th reunion with an attitude. Later in the evening, she overhead two classmates talking about her. Instead of being impressed with her grown-up self, they had found yet another reason to dislike her. This time it was her snotty attitude. Yes, they were still shallow and didn't realize that they had been bratty teenagers, but she didn't give them the opportunity to know her as the gracious and confident adult she had become.
It is always a good idea to error on the side of kindness.
