Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I read your book and am doing all the things you suggest.  Although I am busy, I still feel empty inside.  What more can I do to make myself feel whole again?  I am not truly happy because I still miss Jim.  When will that go away?                       
                                                            Still lonely and missing him

Dear Still Missing,
  Being busy, volunteering, traveling and doing fun activities are what you do while time passses.  The pain will fade but never be completely gone.  As I remind widows in my book, grief is not like the flu.  You don't get over it, you learn to live with it.    M

Gertie says:  Time helps, but I don't think we ever get over the fact that we feel cheated.  This is not the way we planned to live out our life.  We expected to grow old together.  To enjoy the grandchildren together.  To retire and spend our leisure time together.  Now the "together" is gone and we miss that warm body on the other side of the bed.
  Of course we will always carry that sadness with us.  And that is alright if we don't let it dominate the rest of our days on earth.  We can't let that disappointment and sadness keep us from noticing the good things that we still have in our lives.  Now, more than ever before, we must count our blessings.
 

                                                         IN  MEMORIAM

My brother says
no one is dead
until the last person
who knew him
is also gone.
I read of a man who
had kept a record
since childhood
of every person
he had ever met.
I wish I had done that.
I am sure it would be
more than two thousand.
And I intend to
keep on meeting people.
                                  Lois G. Harvey

This is one of my favorite poems.  It remind us that during our lifetime, we meet many people.
Ask yourself how many became friends.  Not acquaintences, but real friends.
If you had a party and could only invite actual friends, how many pieces of cake would you need?

P.S.   Gertie suggests that we make this our week to add a new friend.  Take a person that you like from acquaintance status to friendship. 
Take her to lunch. 
Or invite her to your home.
Bake her some cookies. 
If you know she is having a rough time, make contact and acknowledge her difficulty. 

In other words:  If you want a friend, then BE a friend.

Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I want to comment on the letter about depression. When I feel blue I find that I need to rest and pray. I pray a prayer of thanksgiving. When I begin to list all my blessings, I realize just how many I have. Then I sleep. Then I pray again. Works for me.
                               Thankful In Montana,

Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I thought I was one of the lucky ones who just never got depressed. In fact I was even a little proud that I was above it all. Then one day, a friend mentioned that I seemed grumpy. I realized that I was angry at the world and felt unappreciated and unloved. Since anger is the secondary emotion to hurt, I had to face my feelings, and go from there. This usually happens to me when I get bored. I have high energy and need to keep myself busy. Preventing depression seems to have a lot to do with knowing myself and keeping in balance. At least for me.
                              All Better Now,

Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I fought with depression for years. It seemed to be winning the battle until I began volunteering. I volunteered at several places before I found the right fit. Now I go to the hospital nursery three mornings a week and rock babies. I love my job and my depression is so much better. Helping others helps me.
                                 Love to Rock,                         
                   ------------------------------------------
Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I need to 'sound off.' My friend's son just graduated from medical school. I don't know him well, but I have known my friend for a long time. I sent him a card and a check. When I got my bank statement, written on the notation line of the check was 'thanks.' I guess it's true what they say:
        No amount of education can give someone class.
                                 Disappointed In Davenport,

P.S. Gertie here: Right on, Sister!

Dear Maggie Montclair,
  I have been widowed almost five years, and for the most part I'm doing well.  However, once in a while I get depressed and just want to hibernate.  I don't want to go out with friends or see my family.  I just cry and feel sorry for myself.  I remember past hurts and convince myself that my friends don't really like me and that my children don't love me or they would call and come over more often. (Heaven forbid they would ever invite me to their house just for a meal without it being someone's birthday.)  On some level I seem to enjoy these bouts of "oh, poor me."
  I think that I have always felt this way at times, but when I had my husband and children and worked, there just wasn't time to indulge myself.  Now, no one cares if I become a recluse for a few days.  I won't talk to my friends about this because everyone says I'm always the happy, fun loving member of the group, and I don't want to destroy this illusion.  Is this normal or should I seek medical help?
             Sad and Crying in California

Dear Tear Soaked,
  I can't give you medical advice, but I will tell you what my friends and I have discovered through years of living.
  We have all had periods of feeling 'down in the dumps.'  Sometimes we have a reason.  Something is going on in our life and it maks us depressed.   Somehow, when you know why you feel bad, it is not as worrisome.
  The real concerns are when we don't know why we feel so bad.  Everything seems to be going well.  We are busy with friends and are living our life, when all of the sudden, we're in a funk.  This often accompanies a few nights of insomnia.  Maybe our hormones are still floating around.  Maybe this is another part of aging that is not much fun.
  Whatever it is, if it gets better after two or three days, it probably is not a serious problem.  However, if it happens more than every two or three months, you should speak to your doctor.  If nothing else, talking to your doctor will probably give you one less thing to worry about.  M

P.S.  Gertie's brother's neighbor's cousin has what she calls "down days" about every other month.  When she starts feeling depressed or sorry for herself, she makes her plans.  Since she works part time, she has to be "down" on Saturday and Sunday.  She gets her housework and errands taken care of during the week so that she isn't behind when Monday comes. 
 She often finds that this high activity level stops her depression, and when Saturday comes she has a whole day to do as she wishes since she got her work done early.  She often sneaks off to the movie by herself on Saturday morning and spends the afternoon reading a good book.
  She doesn't tell anyone when she is feeling sad.  She pushes through and acts normally until Saturday morning.   Then, she sleeps as late as she wants, doesn't answer the phone, stays in her p.j's,  drinks coffee and eats the donuts she bought yesterday.  If she feels like crying, she weeps and wails. When necessary, she continues this scenario through Sunday.
  On Sunday evening at six o'clock, she showers, puts on clean p.j's, changes the sheets and checks her schedule for the next week.  She admits that she isn't always ready to go back to normal at six o'clock on Sunday night, but she does it anyway. By Monday morning she feels like her usual self again.
  I don't know if this will work for anyone else.  Maybe everyone needs to find their own way to work through these moods.  Life can't be sunshine everyday.  Everyone needs an umbrella.