From your emails, it is obvious that Christmas shopping took its toll. Congrats to all of you who were computer savvy enough to do some online shopping. The following is an actual shopping experience at a local mall. M
P.S. Gertie's daughter's best friend's grandmother has recently recovered from a broken hip, and life is pretty much getting back to normal for her. Except for putting on her panty hose. She just couldn't quite manage those moves. And, being a lady who didn't feel 'dressed' without a dress and hose, she decided it was necessary to go back to the days of garter belts. Phone book in hand, she called all the stores she could think of. She found the hose she wanted, but no luck with the necessary garter belt. A friend suggested Victoria's Secret. She called. Sure enough, they had garter belts.
So, with credit card and walker, she went to the mall. A lovely young sales girl showed her their selection. They were not as grandma remembered. Mumbling to herself as she studied the elastic and figured out how she could alter this contraption to fit her needs, she became aware of the other sales girls and a few shoppers observing her contemplation. She completed her purchase and stepped to the door. She realized the crowd was holding back their laughter, so just to give them something to remember, she turned to the group and in a stage whisper said, "My boyfriend's a hottie!" She could still hear their laughter two stores away.
Make 2013 special by keeping your sense of humor.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Here are some reader ideas for last minute gifts. Thank you all for your responses.
1. I love to give 'gift coupons.' For instance: "date with Grandma Coupon." I make and print a certificate on my computer. We go to lunch and I give them a set amount of money for shopping.
I started this when my grandchildren were young, but, as teenagers, they still enjoy our 'date.'
2. More ideas on gift certificates for everything from: 'shampoo & set' to 'shoveling your walk.'
Nothing is more personal or appreciated more than gifts of your time and talent.
3. I love to bake gifts. 'Christmas Bread.'
1 pkg. yellow cake mix 3 tlbs. maraschino cherries juice
1 (4oz.) pkg. instant pistachio pudding 1 C. sour cream
3/4 C. maraschino cherries(quartered) 4 eggs (beat separate)
1/2 C. walnuts 1/4 C. oil
Combine all ingredients and mix with a large spoon. Mix 1/4 C sugar and cinnamon to taste. Grease 2 bread pans or 4 small pans. Sprinkle part of cinnamon mixutre in pan; put dough on top. Sprinkle remaining cinnamon mixture on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until tooth pick comes out clean. Cool and wrap in foil. Store in refrigerator a couple of days before serving. Easy and So good!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Remember to count your blessings. Life may not be exactly as you wish, but you still have much to be thankful for. Jesus is the reason for the season. AMEN
1. I love to give 'gift coupons.' For instance: "date with Grandma Coupon." I make and print a certificate on my computer. We go to lunch and I give them a set amount of money for shopping.
I started this when my grandchildren were young, but, as teenagers, they still enjoy our 'date.'
2. More ideas on gift certificates for everything from: 'shampoo & set' to 'shoveling your walk.'
Nothing is more personal or appreciated more than gifts of your time and talent.
3. I love to bake gifts. 'Christmas Bread.'
1 pkg. yellow cake mix 3 tlbs. maraschino cherries juice
1 (4oz.) pkg. instant pistachio pudding 1 C. sour cream
3/4 C. maraschino cherries(quartered) 4 eggs (beat separate)
1/2 C. walnuts 1/4 C. oil
Combine all ingredients and mix with a large spoon. Mix 1/4 C sugar and cinnamon to taste. Grease 2 bread pans or 4 small pans. Sprinkle part of cinnamon mixutre in pan; put dough on top. Sprinkle remaining cinnamon mixture on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until tooth pick comes out clean. Cool and wrap in foil. Store in refrigerator a couple of days before serving. Easy and So good!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Remember to count your blessings. Life may not be exactly as you wish, but you still have much to be thankful for. Jesus is the reason for the season. AMEN
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Christmas is almost here, and I have put off my shopping because I just don't know what to buy. When my grandchildren were young it was easy. Now, I am at a loss. Last year I gave money, but that seems so impersonal. Do you have any suggestions?
Out of Ideas in Santaville
Dear Out of Ideas,
I'm going to let Gertie answer your question. She has so many friends with good ideas. M
P.S. Gertie here. I have checked with several friends and come up with the following ideas.
1. My dentist's mother-in-law's sister's neighbor had the same problem last year. She solved it accidently while going through some old pictures. She found an old photo of one of her granddaughters, at age three, sharing a cookie with her. She put names and dates on the back, framed it and wapped it as a stocking stuffer. She found and framed a picture of her with each of her grandchildren and gave them the pictures along with a check. Her grandchildren liked the pictures, but she knows that thirty years from now they
will mean much more to them.
2. Another friend's uncle's second wife's oldest daughter asked everyone their favorite restaurant. She then went to the dollar store and bought each recipient ten $1 items which she wrapped and put in a stocking that she had crocheted. The main present, a gift card to their favorite restaurant, was stuffed into the toe of the stocking. She said they all had a fun time opening all the small gifts and were happy to receive the restaurant cards.
3. A very clever and talented friend has learned how to fold money into shirts, blouses, animals, etc. You can use whatever bills bring you to the amount you want for your gift. Just use the internet and look up 'folding money.' I must admit that not everyone can do this. It takes someone with patience and the ability to follow abstract directions. I hope you have better luck than I had!
Send me your ideas and I'll pass them on.
Christmas is almost here, and I have put off my shopping because I just don't know what to buy. When my grandchildren were young it was easy. Now, I am at a loss. Last year I gave money, but that seems so impersonal. Do you have any suggestions?
Out of Ideas in Santaville
Dear Out of Ideas,
I'm going to let Gertie answer your question. She has so many friends with good ideas. M
P.S. Gertie here. I have checked with several friends and come up with the following ideas.
1. My dentist's mother-in-law's sister's neighbor had the same problem last year. She solved it accidently while going through some old pictures. She found an old photo of one of her granddaughters, at age three, sharing a cookie with her. She put names and dates on the back, framed it and wapped it as a stocking stuffer. She found and framed a picture of her with each of her grandchildren and gave them the pictures along with a check. Her grandchildren liked the pictures, but she knows that thirty years from now they
will mean much more to them.
2. Another friend's uncle's second wife's oldest daughter asked everyone their favorite restaurant. She then went to the dollar store and bought each recipient ten $1 items which she wrapped and put in a stocking that she had crocheted. The main present, a gift card to their favorite restaurant, was stuffed into the toe of the stocking. She said they all had a fun time opening all the small gifts and were happy to receive the restaurant cards.
3. A very clever and talented friend has learned how to fold money into shirts, blouses, animals, etc. You can use whatever bills bring you to the amount you want for your gift. Just use the internet and look up 'folding money.' I must admit that not everyone can do this. It takes someone with patience and the ability to follow abstract directions. I hope you have better luck than I had!
Send me your ideas and I'll pass them on.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Maggie is back from her latest book tour and preparing for a Nebraska Thanksgiving.
P.S. Gertie's neighbor's sister's best friend was feeling sad and kind of sorry for herself. She read somewhere that in order to feel better just start listing your blessings.
So, she started with:
a warm home,
enough food,
WAIT! STOP RIGHT THERE! If you SHARE these two blessings,
you will have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
P.S. Gertie's neighbor's sister's best friend was feeling sad and kind of sorry for herself. She read somewhere that in order to feel better just start listing your blessings.
So, she started with:
a warm home,
enough food,
WAIT! STOP RIGHT THERE! If you SHARE these two blessings,
you will have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Before I became a widow, I didn't think much about loneliness or money. With a husband and family, I was never lonely. Hubby made a good living and took care of the finances. In a heartbeat, all that changed. I am fortunate to have enough money, but I have learned all about loneliness.
Then, I began to receive those e-mails about 'random acts of kindness.' I tried it a few times, and now I always look for opportunities to do something that I would never even have thought about before.
Last week I paid the tab for a mother having lunch with her young daughter. I could see that they had been shoe shopping and were enjoying the morning together. I overhead her say how they needed to hurry home and get the laundry finished. The little girl reminded her that they also needed to stop at the grocery store. The young mother checked her watch and commented that the baby sitter had already been at their house for over two hours, but this was her birthday and daddy was in Afghanistan.
Somehow, doing a 'random act of kindness' makes me feel less lonely. I urge everyone to try it.
Random Ruthie
Dear Random Ruthie,
I just love your very clever name! I too have received those e-mails and enjoy doing 'random acts of kindness.' It makes me feel that in some small way I am counteracting some of the meanness in the world.
Sometimes we can't pay a large check, but if we pay attention, we can find opportunities to do something nice for someone for $5 or less. It is not as much about the money as it is the surprise that a complete stranger will do something nice for you without expecting anything in return. That makes you want to pass the kindness on. M
P.S. My friend, Gertie, is a great movie fan, and when I shared this letter from Random Ruthie, this was her comment.
"One of my favorite movies is, "The Bucket List." In one scene Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson are sitting on top of a pyramid. Freeman is explaining to Nicholson that to get into Egyptian Heaven you have to answer these two questions.
1. Have you found the joy in your life?
2. Has your life brought joy to others?
When you think about those two questions, you realize that they both require action on your part. Even the smallest 'random act of kindness' brings joy to others. You bring joy to yourself by keeping those acts a secret, not only from the recipient, but from everyone else you know. It is a 'secret randon act of kindness' that answers both questions on a positive note."
Before I became a widow, I didn't think much about loneliness or money. With a husband and family, I was never lonely. Hubby made a good living and took care of the finances. In a heartbeat, all that changed. I am fortunate to have enough money, but I have learned all about loneliness.
Then, I began to receive those e-mails about 'random acts of kindness.' I tried it a few times, and now I always look for opportunities to do something that I would never even have thought about before.
Last week I paid the tab for a mother having lunch with her young daughter. I could see that they had been shoe shopping and were enjoying the morning together. I overhead her say how they needed to hurry home and get the laundry finished. The little girl reminded her that they also needed to stop at the grocery store. The young mother checked her watch and commented that the baby sitter had already been at their house for over two hours, but this was her birthday and daddy was in Afghanistan.
Somehow, doing a 'random act of kindness' makes me feel less lonely. I urge everyone to try it.
Random Ruthie
Dear Random Ruthie,
I just love your very clever name! I too have received those e-mails and enjoy doing 'random acts of kindness.' It makes me feel that in some small way I am counteracting some of the meanness in the world.
Sometimes we can't pay a large check, but if we pay attention, we can find opportunities to do something nice for someone for $5 or less. It is not as much about the money as it is the surprise that a complete stranger will do something nice for you without expecting anything in return. That makes you want to pass the kindness on. M
P.S. My friend, Gertie, is a great movie fan, and when I shared this letter from Random Ruthie, this was her comment.
"One of my favorite movies is, "The Bucket List." In one scene Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson are sitting on top of a pyramid. Freeman is explaining to Nicholson that to get into Egyptian Heaven you have to answer these two questions.
1. Have you found the joy in your life?
2. Has your life brought joy to others?
When you think about those two questions, you realize that they both require action on your part. Even the smallest 'random act of kindness' brings joy to others. You bring joy to yourself by keeping those acts a secret, not only from the recipient, but from everyone else you know. It is a 'secret randon act of kindness' that answers both questions on a positive note."
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Maggie is back from her Iowa vacation. She enjoyed a wonderful family wedding, a cousin's reunion, and traveling with her California cousin, Diane. She is working hard to catch up on your e-mails.
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Last week, I overheard two women talking about me. One said, "isn't she beautiful?" The other women agreed. Now, I know that I am not a beauty. I never was. Even when I was slender! But, at that moment we were at a conference, and I had made a special effort to look nice.
I have been thinking about that compliment and what it did for my morale. For the next few days, I actually felt beautiful. My spirits soared. I decided that women I know and consider good friends should have that exceptional experience. So, I told a dear friend that she was beautiful. Not 'looked' beautiful, but 'was' beautiful. There is an important difference. Just watch a Housewives Reality Show, and you will understand what I'm talking about.
My friend denied any claim to beauty. She said, "Oh, my hair is a mess and I've gained five pounds." I said, "yes, you are. Just say "thank you." We both laughed, she said "thank you," and later, she told me that she felt wonderful the rest of the day.
I decided that what was really being said was, "you are such a good friend that you are beautiful in the most significant way." Now I look for opportunities to let my friends know that they are beautiful. Corny? Maybe. Beautiful in Bedford
Dear Bedford Beauty,
Aren't you glad you overheard your friends talking? Maybe that is a good way to let a friend know that you think highly of her. Say it when she can innocently overhear your comment. Somehow, women are more likely to believe a compliment when it is overheard rather than directed to them. In fact, such a compliment would do wonders for a stranger who has worked to put together a social or business meeting that you appreciate.
I'm so glad that you reminded us how to respoond to a compliment. Just say, "thank you." Many times it makes your day. If so, be sure to express that sentiment. M
P.S. Gertie loves to tell this story about a compliment that backfired. Her neighbor's second cousins mother-in-law had an elderly maiden aunt. One day her neighbor was visiting with the mother-in-law and asked if the maiden aunt had lost a fiance' in World War Two. The mother-in-law smiled slyly and proceeded to explain: When the maiden aunt was in high school a young man came-a-calling. The aunt met him at the screen door and listened as he told her that she was the most beautiful girl in town. He offered flowers and a box of candy if she would honor him with a walk around the block.........Without hesitation, she opened that screen door, and using all her strength, pushed him right off the porch! Word must have spread because no young man ever knocked on her door again.
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Last week, I overheard two women talking about me. One said, "isn't she beautiful?" The other women agreed. Now, I know that I am not a beauty. I never was. Even when I was slender! But, at that moment we were at a conference, and I had made a special effort to look nice.
I have been thinking about that compliment and what it did for my morale. For the next few days, I actually felt beautiful. My spirits soared. I decided that women I know and consider good friends should have that exceptional experience. So, I told a dear friend that she was beautiful. Not 'looked' beautiful, but 'was' beautiful. There is an important difference. Just watch a Housewives Reality Show, and you will understand what I'm talking about.
My friend denied any claim to beauty. She said, "Oh, my hair is a mess and I've gained five pounds." I said, "yes, you are. Just say "thank you." We both laughed, she said "thank you," and later, she told me that she felt wonderful the rest of the day.
I decided that what was really being said was, "you are such a good friend that you are beautiful in the most significant way." Now I look for opportunities to let my friends know that they are beautiful. Corny? Maybe. Beautiful in Bedford
Dear Bedford Beauty,
Aren't you glad you overheard your friends talking? Maybe that is a good way to let a friend know that you think highly of her. Say it when she can innocently overhear your comment. Somehow, women are more likely to believe a compliment when it is overheard rather than directed to them. In fact, such a compliment would do wonders for a stranger who has worked to put together a social or business meeting that you appreciate.
I'm so glad that you reminded us how to respoond to a compliment. Just say, "thank you." Many times it makes your day. If so, be sure to express that sentiment. M
P.S. Gertie loves to tell this story about a compliment that backfired. Her neighbor's second cousins mother-in-law had an elderly maiden aunt. One day her neighbor was visiting with the mother-in-law and asked if the maiden aunt had lost a fiance' in World War Two. The mother-in-law smiled slyly and proceeded to explain: When the maiden aunt was in high school a young man came-a-calling. The aunt met him at the screen door and listened as he told her that she was the most beautiful girl in town. He offered flowers and a box of candy if she would honor him with a walk around the block.........Without hesitation, she opened that screen door, and using all her strength, pushed him right off the porch! Word must have spread because no young man ever knocked on her door again.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I read your book and am doing all the things you suggest. Although I am busy, I still feel empty inside. What more can I do to make myself feel whole again? I am not truly happy because I still miss Jim. When will that go away?
Still lonely and missing him
Dear Still Missing,
Being busy, volunteering, traveling and doing fun activities are what you do while time passses. The pain will fade but never be completely gone. As I remind widows in my book, grief is not like the flu. You don't get over it, you learn to live with it. M
Gertie says: Time helps, but I don't think we ever get over the fact that we feel cheated. This is not the way we planned to live out our life. We expected to grow old together. To enjoy the grandchildren together. To retire and spend our leisure time together. Now the "together" is gone and we miss that warm body on the other side of the bed.
Of course we will always carry that sadness with us. And that is alright if we don't let it dominate the rest of our days on earth. We can't let that disappointment and sadness keep us from noticing the good things that we still have in our lives. Now, more than ever before, we must count our blessings.
I read your book and am doing all the things you suggest. Although I am busy, I still feel empty inside. What more can I do to make myself feel whole again? I am not truly happy because I still miss Jim. When will that go away?
Still lonely and missing him
Dear Still Missing,
Being busy, volunteering, traveling and doing fun activities are what you do while time passses. The pain will fade but never be completely gone. As I remind widows in my book, grief is not like the flu. You don't get over it, you learn to live with it. M
Gertie says: Time helps, but I don't think we ever get over the fact that we feel cheated. This is not the way we planned to live out our life. We expected to grow old together. To enjoy the grandchildren together. To retire and spend our leisure time together. Now the "together" is gone and we miss that warm body on the other side of the bed.
Of course we will always carry that sadness with us. And that is alright if we don't let it dominate the rest of our days on earth. We can't let that disappointment and sadness keep us from noticing the good things that we still have in our lives. Now, more than ever before, we must count our blessings.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
IN MEMORIAM
My brother says
no one is dead
until the last person
who knew him
is also gone.
I read of a man who
had kept a record
since childhood
of every person
he had ever met.
I wish I had done that.
I am sure it would be
more than two thousand.
And I intend to
keep on meeting people.
Lois G. Harvey
This is one of my favorite poems. It remind us that during our lifetime, we meet many people.
Ask yourself how many became friends. Not acquaintences, but real friends.
If you had a party and could only invite actual friends, how many pieces of cake would you need?
P.S. Gertie suggests that we make this our week to add a new friend. Take a person that you like from acquaintance status to friendship.
Take her to lunch.
Or invite her to your home.
Bake her some cookies.
If you know she is having a rough time, make contact and acknowledge her difficulty.
In other words: If you want a friend, then BE a friend.
My brother says
no one is dead
until the last person
who knew him
is also gone.
I read of a man who
had kept a record
since childhood
of every person
he had ever met.
I wish I had done that.
I am sure it would be
more than two thousand.
And I intend to
keep on meeting people.
Lois G. Harvey
This is one of my favorite poems. It remind us that during our lifetime, we meet many people.
Ask yourself how many became friends. Not acquaintences, but real friends.
If you had a party and could only invite actual friends, how many pieces of cake would you need?
P.S. Gertie suggests that we make this our week to add a new friend. Take a person that you like from acquaintance status to friendship.
Take her to lunch.
Or invite her to your home.
Bake her some cookies.
If you know she is having a rough time, make contact and acknowledge her difficulty.
In other words: If you want a friend, then BE a friend.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I want to comment on the letter about depression. When I feel blue I find that I need to rest and pray. I pray a prayer of thanksgiving. When I begin to list all my blessings, I realize just how many I have. Then I sleep. Then I pray again. Works for me.
Thankful In Montana,
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I thought I was one of the lucky ones who just never got depressed. In fact I was even a little proud that I was above it all. Then one day, a friend mentioned that I seemed grumpy. I realized that I was angry at the world and felt unappreciated and unloved. Since anger is the secondary emotion to hurt, I had to face my feelings, and go from there. This usually happens to me when I get bored. I have high energy and need to keep myself busy. Preventing depression seems to have a lot to do with knowing myself and keeping in balance. At least for me.
All Better Now,
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I fought with depression for years. It seemed to be winning the battle until I began volunteering. I volunteered at several places before I found the right fit. Now I go to the hospital nursery three mornings a week and rock babies. I love my job and my depression is so much better. Helping others helps me.
Love to Rock,
------------------------------------------
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I need to 'sound off.' My friend's son just graduated from medical school. I don't know him well, but I have known my friend
No amount of education can give someone class.
Disappointed In Davenport,
P.S. Gertie here: Right on, Sister!
I want to comment on the letter about depression. When I feel blue I find that I need to rest and pray. I pray a prayer of thanksgiving. When I begin to list all my blessings, I realize just how many I have. Then I sleep. Then I pray again. Works for me.
Thankful In Montana,
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I thought I was one of the lucky ones who just never got depressed. In fact I was even a little proud that I was above it all. Then one day, a friend mentioned that I seemed grumpy. I realized that I was angry at the world and felt unappreciated and unloved. Since anger is the secondary emotion to hurt, I had to face my feelings, and go from there. This usually happens to me when I get bored. I have high energy and need to keep myself busy. Preventing depression seems to have a lot to do with knowing myself and keeping in balance. At least for me.
All Better Now,
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I fought with depression for years. It seemed to be winning the battle until I began volunteering. I volunteered at several places before I found the right fit. Now I go to the hospital nursery three mornings a week and rock babies. I love my job and my depression is so much better. Helping others helps me.
Love to Rock,
------------------------------------------
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I need to 'sound off.' My friend's son just graduated from medical school. I don't know him well, but I have known my friend
No amount of education can give someone class.
Disappointed In Davenport,
P.S. Gertie here: Right on, Sister!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed almost five years, and for the most part I'm doing well. However, once in a while I get depressed and just want to hibernate. I don't want to go out with friends or see my family. I just cry and feel sorry for myself. I remember past hurts and convince myself that my friends don't really like me and that my children don't love me or they would call and come over more often. (Heaven forbid they would ever invite me to their house just for a meal without it being someone's birthday.) On some level I seem to enjoy these bouts of "oh, poor me."
I think that I have always felt this way at times, but when I had my husband and children and worked, there just wasn't time to indulge myself. Now, no one cares if I become a recluse for a few days. I won't talk to my friends about this because everyone says I'm always the happy, fun loving member of the group, and I don't want to destroy this illusion. Is this normal or should I seek medical help?
Sad and Crying in California
Dear Tear Soaked,
I can't give you medical advice, but I will tell you what my friends and I have discovered through years of living.
We have all had periods of feeling 'down in the dumps.' Sometimes we have a reason. Something is going on in our life and it maks us depressed. Somehow, when you know why you feel bad, it is not as worrisome.
The real concerns are when we don't know why we feel so bad. Everything seems to be going well. We are busy with friends and are living our life, when all of the sudden, we're in a funk. This often accompanies a few nights of insomnia. Maybe our hormones are still floating around. Maybe this is another part of aging that is not much fun.
Whatever it is, if it gets better after two or three days, it probably is not a serious problem. However, if it happens more than every two or three months, you should speak to your doctor. If nothing else, talking to your doctor will probably give you one less thing to worry about. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's neighbor's cousin has what she calls "down days" about every other month. When she starts feeling depressed or sorry for herself, she makes her plans. Since she works part time, she has to be "down" on Saturday and Sunday. She gets her housework and errands taken care of during the week so that she isn't behind when Monday comes.
She often finds that this high activity level stops her depression, and when Saturday comes she has a whole day to do as she wishes since she got her work done early. She often sneaks off to the movie by herself on Saturday morning and spends the afternoon reading a good book.
She doesn't tell anyone when she is feeling sad. She pushes through and acts normally until Saturday morning. Then, she sleeps as late as she wants, doesn't answer the phone, stays in her p.j's, drinks coffee and eats the donuts she bought yesterday. If she feels like crying, she weeps and wails. When necessary, she continues this scenario through Sunday.
On Sunday evening at six o'clock, she showers, puts on clean p.j's, changes the sheets and checks her schedule for the next week. She admits that she isn't always ready to go back to normal at six o'clock on Sunday night, but she does it anyway. By Monday morning she feels like her usual self again.
I don't know if this will work for anyone else. Maybe everyone needs to find their own way to work through these moods. Life can't be sunshine everyday. Everyone needs an umbrella.
I have been widowed almost five years, and for the most part I'm doing well. However, once in a while I get depressed and just want to hibernate. I don't want to go out with friends or see my family. I just cry and feel sorry for myself. I remember past hurts and convince myself that my friends don't really like me and that my children don't love me or they would call and come over more often. (Heaven forbid they would ever invite me to their house just for a meal without it being someone's birthday.) On some level I seem to enjoy these bouts of "oh, poor me."
I think that I have always felt this way at times, but when I had my husband and children and worked, there just wasn't time to indulge myself. Now, no one cares if I become a recluse for a few days. I won't talk to my friends about this because everyone says I'm always the happy, fun loving member of the group, and I don't want to destroy this illusion. Is this normal or should I seek medical help?
Sad and Crying in California
Dear Tear Soaked,
I can't give you medical advice, but I will tell you what my friends and I have discovered through years of living.
We have all had periods of feeling 'down in the dumps.' Sometimes we have a reason. Something is going on in our life and it maks us depressed. Somehow, when you know why you feel bad, it is not as worrisome.
The real concerns are when we don't know why we feel so bad. Everything seems to be going well. We are busy with friends and are living our life, when all of the sudden, we're in a funk. This often accompanies a few nights of insomnia. Maybe our hormones are still floating around. Maybe this is another part of aging that is not much fun.
Whatever it is, if it gets better after two or three days, it probably is not a serious problem. However, if it happens more than every two or three months, you should speak to your doctor. If nothing else, talking to your doctor will probably give you one less thing to worry about. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's neighbor's cousin has what she calls "down days" about every other month. When she starts feeling depressed or sorry for herself, she makes her plans. Since she works part time, she has to be "down" on Saturday and Sunday. She gets her housework and errands taken care of during the week so that she isn't behind when Monday comes.
She often finds that this high activity level stops her depression, and when Saturday comes she has a whole day to do as she wishes since she got her work done early. She often sneaks off to the movie by herself on Saturday morning and spends the afternoon reading a good book.
She doesn't tell anyone when she is feeling sad. She pushes through and acts normally until Saturday morning. Then, she sleeps as late as she wants, doesn't answer the phone, stays in her p.j's, drinks coffee and eats the donuts she bought yesterday. If she feels like crying, she weeps and wails. When necessary, she continues this scenario through Sunday.
On Sunday evening at six o'clock, she showers, puts on clean p.j's, changes the sheets and checks her schedule for the next week. She admits that she isn't always ready to go back to normal at six o'clock on Sunday night, but she does it anyway. By Monday morning she feels like her usual self again.
I don't know if this will work for anyone else. Maybe everyone needs to find their own way to work through these moods. Life can't be sunshine everyday. Everyone needs an umbrella.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I went to a family reunion this summer and saw relatives that I hadn't seen since high school. Two of my favorite aunts, twins aged 89, were visiting and I overheard one say to the other, "Just look around. Hardly any of our girls take good care of themselves."
I couldn't let that pass and asked them what made them come to that conclusion. They explained that it was their opinion that women who valued themselves would eat healthy and maintain a weight in proportion to her height. She would take a few minutes to make herself as attractive as possible and would dress appropriately for her age and the occasion.
I looked around and saw middle aged, overweight women wearing faded t-shirts, ripped jeans, short shorts, no make-up, and hair that needed a good shampoo and style. I was part of that group. Granted, there were a few who were dressed neatly, had attractive hair styles, and pretty nails. They looked as if this reunion was important enough to them that they took care with their appearance. Suddenly, I wished that I had taken time for myself, because I really was excited to be there. I just didn't think that I could do anything to make myself look good. I have felt fat and ugly for a long time.
The aunts weren't criticizing us as much as they were feeling sorry for us. Sorry that we had spent so much of our lives taking care of others that we forgot our own value. Sorry that we had forgotten to take the best possible care of this amazing body that we were born with. Sorry we forgot how important it is to our outlook on life to be our very best.
We spent more time preparing our brownies or potato salad than we spent getting ourselves ready. How does that make sense when the food will be consumed in 20 minutes? Then we have to clean up the mess. All the while, forgetting that we hope to be around for years to come.
Since that Saturday in June, I have spent a few minutes every day just taking care of myself. I want to look like my favorite aunts when I am 89 years old.
Lookin' Better Every Day
Dear Good Lookin',
You have the right idea! I bet you will look fabulous at 95. We women find it hard to pamper ourselves, so maybe we need to think about it as taking care of our investment in ourselves. We don't want to end up in a nursing home. That means we need good health. Good health means taking care of ourselves. We might as well look good, too. It doesn't need to cost more money, just more planning. M
P.S. Gertie's friend's mother's second cousin made a big change in her life. She read that if you wanted to be happier with your life, you were supposed to imagine that you came from another planet and are now inhabiting this body and this life. You are supposed to change it into the 'perfect' life.
She realized her weight was fine. She needed work on posture and style. Finances were tight, so she shopped the thrift stores and learned to accessorize. She checked magazines and found a hairstyle that she liked and could fix. She looked at her family and co-workers through the eyes of a stranger and found she liked most of them. Some, she still couldn't stand, so she avoided them as much as possible, but remained polite and helpful.
Six months later, she was a much happier person and felt more confident at work. Will that work for everyone? I don't know. Is it worth trying? If you want to make some positive changes, it can't hurt.
As they say: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome each time."
I went to a family reunion this summer and saw relatives that I hadn't seen since high school. Two of my favorite aunts, twins aged 89, were visiting and I overheard one say to the other, "Just look around. Hardly any of our girls take good care of themselves."
I couldn't let that pass and asked them what made them come to that conclusion. They explained that it was their opinion that women who valued themselves would eat healthy and maintain a weight in proportion to her height. She would take a few minutes to make herself as attractive as possible and would dress appropriately for her age and the occasion.
I looked around and saw middle aged, overweight women wearing faded t-shirts, ripped jeans, short shorts, no make-up, and hair that needed a good shampoo and style. I was part of that group. Granted, there were a few who were dressed neatly, had attractive hair styles, and pretty nails. They looked as if this reunion was important enough to them that they took care with their appearance. Suddenly, I wished that I had taken time for myself, because I really was excited to be there. I just didn't think that I could do anything to make myself look good. I have felt fat and ugly for a long time.
The aunts weren't criticizing us as much as they were feeling sorry for us. Sorry that we had spent so much of our lives taking care of others that we forgot our own value. Sorry that we had forgotten to take the best possible care of this amazing body that we were born with. Sorry we forgot how important it is to our outlook on life to be our very best.
We spent more time preparing our brownies or potato salad than we spent getting ourselves ready. How does that make sense when the food will be consumed in 20 minutes? Then we have to clean up the mess. All the while, forgetting that we hope to be around for years to come.
Since that Saturday in June, I have spent a few minutes every day just taking care of myself. I want to look like my favorite aunts when I am 89 years old.
Lookin' Better Every Day
Dear Good Lookin',
You have the right idea! I bet you will look fabulous at 95. We women find it hard to pamper ourselves, so maybe we need to think about it as taking care of our investment in ourselves. We don't want to end up in a nursing home. That means we need good health. Good health means taking care of ourselves. We might as well look good, too. It doesn't need to cost more money, just more planning. M
P.S. Gertie's friend's mother's second cousin made a big change in her life. She read that if you wanted to be happier with your life, you were supposed to imagine that you came from another planet and are now inhabiting this body and this life. You are supposed to change it into the 'perfect' life.
She realized her weight was fine. She needed work on posture and style. Finances were tight, so she shopped the thrift stores and learned to accessorize. She checked magazines and found a hairstyle that she liked and could fix. She looked at her family and co-workers through the eyes of a stranger and found she liked most of them. Some, she still couldn't stand, so she avoided them as much as possible, but remained polite and helpful.
Six months later, she was a much happier person and felt more confident at work. Will that work for everyone? I don't know. Is it worth trying? If you want to make some positive changes, it can't hurt.
As they say: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome each time."
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Dear Maggie,
I recently joined a social organization for single women. I am amazed that even though there is a 40 year difference in age between the youngest and oldest member of this group, the friendships are strong and rewarding.
Are all groups this compatible, or are we an exception? We go to restaurants, plays, each others homes, etc. If we are free that evening, we go. If we have other plans, we don't. No one keeps track or puts pressure on others in the group. We don't have meetings or officers, just an activity committee. They make plans for two activities a month for one year. We each get the list that tells us what, where, when, and who is the contact person for that particular activity.
I found this group by answering an ad in my local newspaper. It was the best thing that I have done for myself in a long time. There is nothing like friendship and fun to give your life that spark it needs.
Having Fun In Florida
Dear Having fun,
What a wonderful way to form a group. I suggest anyone who wants to meet other women for 'friendship and fun' to follow your lead and either answer such an ad or plan an activity and place an ad in your local newspaper. M
RESPONSES TO LAST WEEKS LETTER ABOUT 'CARTOON' NAMES:
"My name was worse than a 'cartoon' name. It was downright disgusting. As soon as I turned eighteen, I legally changed both my first and last name. My parent's choice of name put me through years of ridicule, and now I don't want anything to do with them. People who deliberately put an innocent child through such misery don't deserve to have children." Finally, a normal name in North Carolina
"My name was silly and caused a lot of teasing. I learned to ignore it, but was careful to select a husband with a short last name. Names are important." Nice name now.
P.S. As I have mentioned before, Gertie loves to recite quotes even when she doesn't know the authors name. (Sometimes, I think she makes them up.) When she read the letter from 'Having Fun In Florida,' she shared two quotes.
"All adults are the same age." (She claims that is why the number of years one has lived is not an accurate definition of an adult. It is not the years, it is the wisdom that makes one an adult.)
Another definition of adult: "A person who does what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, whether they feel like it or not."
I recently joined a social organization for single women. I am amazed that even though there is a 40 year difference in age between the youngest and oldest member of this group, the friendships are strong and rewarding.
Are all groups this compatible, or are we an exception? We go to restaurants, plays, each others homes, etc. If we are free that evening, we go. If we have other plans, we don't. No one keeps track or puts pressure on others in the group. We don't have meetings or officers, just an activity committee. They make plans for two activities a month for one year. We each get the list that tells us what, where, when, and who is the contact person for that particular activity.
I found this group by answering an ad in my local newspaper. It was the best thing that I have done for myself in a long time. There is nothing like friendship and fun to give your life that spark it needs.
Having Fun In Florida
Dear Having fun,
What a wonderful way to form a group. I suggest anyone who wants to meet other women for 'friendship and fun' to follow your lead and either answer such an ad or plan an activity and place an ad in your local newspaper. M
RESPONSES TO LAST WEEKS LETTER ABOUT 'CARTOON' NAMES:
"My name was worse than a 'cartoon' name. It was downright disgusting. As soon as I turned eighteen, I legally changed both my first and last name. My parent's choice of name put me through years of ridicule, and now I don't want anything to do with them. People who deliberately put an innocent child through such misery don't deserve to have children." Finally, a normal name in North Carolina
"My name was silly and caused a lot of teasing. I learned to ignore it, but was careful to select a husband with a short last name. Names are important." Nice name now.
P.S. As I have mentioned before, Gertie loves to recite quotes even when she doesn't know the authors name. (Sometimes, I think she makes them up.) When she read the letter from 'Having Fun In Florida,' she shared two quotes.
"All adults are the same age." (She claims that is why the number of years one has lived is not an accurate definition of an adult. It is not the years, it is the wisdom that makes one an adult.)
Another definition of adult: "A person who does what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, whether they feel like it or not."
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for three years. I loved my husband with all my heart and was as surprised as everyone else when I met and fell in love with another man.
We get along so well and have many interests in common. Both of our families and friends like each other and are supportive of our relationship. He has asked me to marry him, and I would say yes in a heartbeat if it wasn't for his last name. When I say my first name and his last name....it sounds like a cartoon character.
Our friends laugh when they realize what my name would be. Even my children laugh and think it's cute. Only my fifteen year old granddaughter is as embarrassed as I am.
Should I swallow my pride and just laugh with everyone else? I'm afraid that I will come to resent my name and be sorry that I remarried. How do others handle a situation like this?
Cartoon Cathy in California
Dear Cartoon Cathy,
Many women go through life with names that are interesting, to say the least. I would love to hear from my readers that have this dilemma and learn how they handle it.
I am always surprised when parents give their children names that will cause embarrassment or difficulty in school. A name should be appropriate for a lifetime. Cute baby type names are not so appealing at age 70. Made-up names with weird spellings cause problems for everyone concerned. I urge parents to think twice when naming children. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's mother-in-laws neighbor's cousin is named Dorothy. All of her life she has gone by "Dottie." The last name of the man she fell in love with was Duda. That made her name, "Dottie Duda." She enjoys the fun and claims it makes everyone smile when she introduces herself. Also, no one ever forgets her name. So, apparently the best way to handle this situation is with a good sense of humor. Enjoy the fun.
I have been widowed for three years. I loved my husband with all my heart and was as surprised as everyone else when I met and fell in love with another man.
We get along so well and have many interests in common. Both of our families and friends like each other and are supportive of our relationship. He has asked me to marry him, and I would say yes in a heartbeat if it wasn't for his last name. When I say my first name and his last name....it sounds like a cartoon character.
Our friends laugh when they realize what my name would be. Even my children laugh and think it's cute. Only my fifteen year old granddaughter is as embarrassed as I am.
Should I swallow my pride and just laugh with everyone else? I'm afraid that I will come to resent my name and be sorry that I remarried. How do others handle a situation like this?
Cartoon Cathy in California
Dear Cartoon Cathy,
Many women go through life with names that are interesting, to say the least. I would love to hear from my readers that have this dilemma and learn how they handle it.
I am always surprised when parents give their children names that will cause embarrassment or difficulty in school. A name should be appropriate for a lifetime. Cute baby type names are not so appealing at age 70. Made-up names with weird spellings cause problems for everyone concerned. I urge parents to think twice when naming children. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's mother-in-laws neighbor's cousin is named Dorothy. All of her life she has gone by "Dottie." The last name of the man she fell in love with was Duda. That made her name, "Dottie Duda." She enjoys the fun and claims it makes everyone smile when she introduces herself. Also, no one ever forgets her name. So, apparently the best way to handle this situation is with a good sense of humor. Enjoy the fun.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am a widow with wonderful children who check with me daily to make sure that I am well and have everything that I need. I still drive and do all my own shopping and housework. I am always busy with friends and lead an active social life. In spite of my resistance, they insist that I need a cat or dog for company.
I don't want a dog. Or a cat. Or a bird. I don't have anything against house pets, it's just that I've had enough pets for one lifetime.
When my kids were at home we had dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, fish, and a guinea pig. To this day, whenever I smell cedar, I look for a rodent!
My birthday is getting close, and my grandson has been dropping hints that I will just LOVE my present. He says, "You won't be lonely anymore." I say, "I'm not lonely now," but they don't hear me. They all have dogs and cats and just can't imagine that anyone could be happy without a pet.
What do I do if my birthday present is a dog or a cat?
No hair on the furniture, please
Dear Hairless,
I totally understand. Pets are WORK. They must be fed, groomed, taken to the vet, and either walked or have their litter box changed. There is hair that requires extra vacuuming, accidents that need to be cleaned up, and arrangements to be made when you want to take a vacation. There is always the danger of being tripped by having a small animal under your feet. Many a hip has been broken by such a fall.
You can refuse the 'gift' with a 'no thank you.' They can add it to their own collection of pets. If you tell them that you are afraid you will break a hip, they may be disappointed, but I'm sure they do not want to be the cause of an accident. Animals are wonderful loving companions, if you want to be a pet owner. M
P.S. Gertie here: I had dogs all my life and loved every one of them. But, my apartment won't allow them, and now after so many years, I don't think I would go back to pets even if I could. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for a pet. I feel lucky just to be able to take care of myself.
I want to come and go as I please and not have to be home to let the dog out. I don't want to have to brush cat hair off myself every time I leave the house. Nothing is really a gift if it causes a person more work or to miss out on the fun part of their life.
If they are so worried about mom being lonely, they can take her out to dinner more often.
I am a widow with wonderful children who check with me daily to make sure that I am well and have everything that I need. I still drive and do all my own shopping and housework. I am always busy with friends and lead an active social life. In spite of my resistance, they insist that I need a cat or dog for company.
I don't want a dog. Or a cat. Or a bird. I don't have anything against house pets, it's just that I've had enough pets for one lifetime.
When my kids were at home we had dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, fish, and a guinea pig. To this day, whenever I smell cedar, I look for a rodent!
My birthday is getting close, and my grandson has been dropping hints that I will just LOVE my present. He says, "You won't be lonely anymore." I say, "I'm not lonely now," but they don't hear me. They all have dogs and cats and just can't imagine that anyone could be happy without a pet.
What do I do if my birthday present is a dog or a cat?
No hair on the furniture, please
Dear Hairless,
I totally understand. Pets are WORK. They must be fed, groomed, taken to the vet, and either walked or have their litter box changed. There is hair that requires extra vacuuming, accidents that need to be cleaned up, and arrangements to be made when you want to take a vacation. There is always the danger of being tripped by having a small animal under your feet. Many a hip has been broken by such a fall.
You can refuse the 'gift' with a 'no thank you.' They can add it to their own collection of pets. If you tell them that you are afraid you will break a hip, they may be disappointed, but I'm sure they do not want to be the cause of an accident. Animals are wonderful loving companions, if you want to be a pet owner. M
P.S. Gertie here: I had dogs all my life and loved every one of them. But, my apartment won't allow them, and now after so many years, I don't think I would go back to pets even if I could. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for a pet. I feel lucky just to be able to take care of myself.
I want to come and go as I please and not have to be home to let the dog out. I don't want to have to brush cat hair off myself every time I leave the house. Nothing is really a gift if it causes a person more work or to miss out on the fun part of their life.
If they are so worried about mom being lonely, they can take her out to dinner more often.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am in a situation with my daughter and 15 year old granddaughter, Angie. She has a 17 year old steady boyfriend, and after seeing them together at a family picnic, I think that if they aren't already sexually active, they soon will be.
I talked with my daughter about it and suggested that she explain sex to Angie and be sure she knows how to protect herself against pregnancy and disease.
My daughter reacted by saying, "Mother, she is only 15. Don't rush her. I'll talk to her when she is 17."
Maggie, in two years she will be able to explain the 'facts of life' to her mother. What should I do? Do I dare have a chat with my granddaughter without the consent of her mother?
Bemoanning the Loss of Innocence in S.D.
Dear Loss of Innocence,
Young people are more informed at an earlier age than we were. Or at least they think so. I think you are wise to be concerned about your granddaughter.
You could take her to lunch and in a non-judgmental way, tell her you remember the strong feelings of young love. Ask her if she understands the 'facts' and has protection against pregnancy and disease.
Explain to her that being sexually active will change the relationship with her boyfriend. Going places together often slows down or stops altogether as the relationship hinges on sex. Without criticizing this particular young man, explain that men mature later than women in the relationdship department and while young men often don't have the maturity to handle an actual relationship, they do want sex and even consider it the whole relationship.
Let her know that you will be there for her with information and advice if she asks for it. Reinforce how proud you are of her maturity and her bright future. Knowing she has your unconditional love is another weapon that helps her self-control. M
P.S. Gertie's meter reader's daughter's best friend teaches second grade. She has a store in her classroom that sells paper, pencils and erasers. Eric and Missy are the current storekeepers. At the end of the year, Miss Brown expained how they would take inventory and then store the supplies and money in the cupboard until school started again in the fall.
Eric raised his hand and announced, "Missy and I are getting a divorce. I think we should split the money."
With much sadness, we say goodbye to innocence.
I am in a situation with my daughter and 15 year old granddaughter, Angie. She has a 17 year old steady boyfriend, and after seeing them together at a family picnic, I think that if they aren't already sexually active, they soon will be.
I talked with my daughter about it and suggested that she explain sex to Angie and be sure she knows how to protect herself against pregnancy and disease.
My daughter reacted by saying, "Mother, she is only 15. Don't rush her. I'll talk to her when she is 17."
Maggie, in two years she will be able to explain the 'facts of life' to her mother. What should I do? Do I dare have a chat with my granddaughter without the consent of her mother?
Bemoanning the Loss of Innocence in S.D.
Dear Loss of Innocence,
Young people are more informed at an earlier age than we were. Or at least they think so. I think you are wise to be concerned about your granddaughter.
You could take her to lunch and in a non-judgmental way, tell her you remember the strong feelings of young love. Ask her if she understands the 'facts' and has protection against pregnancy and disease.
Explain to her that being sexually active will change the relationship with her boyfriend. Going places together often slows down or stops altogether as the relationship hinges on sex. Without criticizing this particular young man, explain that men mature later than women in the relationdship department and while young men often don't have the maturity to handle an actual relationship, they do want sex and even consider it the whole relationship.
Let her know that you will be there for her with information and advice if she asks for it. Reinforce how proud you are of her maturity and her bright future. Knowing she has your unconditional love is another weapon that helps her self-control. M
P.S. Gertie's meter reader's daughter's best friend teaches second grade. She has a store in her classroom that sells paper, pencils and erasers. Eric and Missy are the current storekeepers. At the end of the year, Miss Brown expained how they would take inventory and then store the supplies and money in the cupboard until school started again in the fall.
Eric raised his hand and announced, "Missy and I are getting a divorce. I think we should split the money."
With much sadness, we say goodbye to innocence.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for two years and have been searching for a book on widowhood for almost that long. No books for widows are listed on the NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER LIST in my Sunday paper, and my library had nothing that helped me.
I accidently stumbled on your book on Amazon. Thank you so much for your understanding of what widows go through. The 'being busy' and dealing with family was all good information, but the best part for me was being reassured that I'm not going crazy. Your book helped me understand that my thoughts and feelings are normal grief.
There must be many widows needing your book. How can I be of help?/
Want To Help
Dear Want to Help,
You will never know how much I appreciate your letter. My goal is to make widowhood easier. I'll let Gertie tell you how you can help. (She loves to tell people what to do.) M
P.S. Gertie here. Just follow these easy instructions:
1. After you read this letter just click on "follow." That will ensure that you receive an e-mail notification every time there is a new letter. The more followers to a website, the better.
2. Forward your e-mail notification to everyone in your address book. Everyone knows at least one widow who would appreciate being introduced to Maggie.
3. If you purchased your book on Amazon, go back to the site and click "review." Read the current reviews and write a paragraph of your own. You can tell others about the book.
4. If you receive notification on Facebook, please "like" the site.
All women belong to a sisterhood, and we need to help each other. Be a good friend. If you help someone now, help will be there when you need it. Now, go have some fun! Your friend, Gertie.
I have been widowed for two years and have been searching for a book on widowhood for almost that long. No books for widows are listed on the NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER LIST in my Sunday paper, and my library had nothing that helped me.
I accidently stumbled on your book on Amazon. Thank you so much for your understanding of what widows go through. The 'being busy' and dealing with family was all good information, but the best part for me was being reassured that I'm not going crazy. Your book helped me understand that my thoughts and feelings are normal grief.
There must be many widows needing your book. How can I be of help?/
Want To Help
Dear Want to Help,
You will never know how much I appreciate your letter. My goal is to make widowhood easier. I'll let Gertie tell you how you can help. (She loves to tell people what to do.) M
P.S. Gertie here. Just follow these easy instructions:
1. After you read this letter just click on "follow." That will ensure that you receive an e-mail notification every time there is a new letter. The more followers to a website, the better.
2. Forward your e-mail notification to everyone in your address book. Everyone knows at least one widow who would appreciate being introduced to Maggie.
3. If you purchased your book on Amazon, go back to the site and click "review." Read the current reviews and write a paragraph of your own. You can tell others about the book.
4. If you receive notification on Facebook, please "like" the site.
All women belong to a sisterhood, and we need to help each other. Be a good friend. If you help someone now, help will be there when you need it. Now, go have some fun! Your friend, Gertie.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Dear Maggie Montlcair,
I read your book and thought you had some good ideas for meeting new people. They just weren't for me because there was no way that I could go anywhere by myself or speak to a stranger.
Then, a few months ago, I was at my library checking out books when I noticed that the library "book club" was about to start. They were reviewing a book that I had read and loved. I was curious to hear their discussion, so I sat in the back of the room just to listen. I went to the next book club meeting and the next. I met several nice women, and we went to coffee. Then to lunch. They invited me to join their water aerobics class. A few of the women were as large or larger than I, so I bought a swim suit and joined the gym. What fun! I'm exercising, having fun, and losing weight. But, most impoortant of all, I now have several new friends and fun activities to enjoy.
I had to laugh when I realized that I had inadvertently followed your advice. I accidently joined a book club and a whole new world opened for me. I plan to join a Red Hat Chapter next week. They are planning a trip to a winery. Thanks for all the good ideas.
Having fun in Tennessee
Dear Fun Loving Gal,
Thank you for letting me know that my ideas worked for you. Of course, I can't take all of the credit because my widowed friends contributed ideas that worked for them.
You deserve accolades for sitting in on that first book club session and then going back. It sounds like you are on your to a happier life. Good for you. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's ex-wife's mother used the excuse of shyness to make other people responsible for her entertainment. Finally, her daughter got tired of being her social secretary and insisted she either be alone or make her own plans at least half the time.
Her mother was mad at first because she had to take responsibility for herself or be alone. She had also lost control of the family. Her passive-aggressive behavior wasn't going to work any longer.
Gertie warns us all to make sure that we aren't trying to control our family through our own weaknesses, real or imaginary.
I read your book and thought you had some good ideas for meeting new people. They just weren't for me because there was no way that I could go anywhere by myself or speak to a stranger.
Then, a few months ago, I was at my library checking out books when I noticed that the library "book club" was about to start. They were reviewing a book that I had read and loved. I was curious to hear their discussion, so I sat in the back of the room just to listen. I went to the next book club meeting and the next. I met several nice women, and we went to coffee. Then to lunch. They invited me to join their water aerobics class. A few of the women were as large or larger than I, so I bought a swim suit and joined the gym. What fun! I'm exercising, having fun, and losing weight. But, most impoortant of all, I now have several new friends and fun activities to enjoy.
I had to laugh when I realized that I had inadvertently followed your advice. I accidently joined a book club and a whole new world opened for me. I plan to join a Red Hat Chapter next week. They are planning a trip to a winery. Thanks for all the good ideas.
Having fun in Tennessee
Dear Fun Loving Gal,
Thank you for letting me know that my ideas worked for you. Of course, I can't take all of the credit because my widowed friends contributed ideas that worked for them.
You deserve accolades for sitting in on that first book club session and then going back. It sounds like you are on your to a happier life. Good for you. M
P.S. Gertie's brother's ex-wife's mother used the excuse of shyness to make other people responsible for her entertainment. Finally, her daughter got tired of being her social secretary and insisted she either be alone or make her own plans at least half the time.
Her mother was mad at first because she had to take responsibility for herself or be alone. She had also lost control of the family. Her passive-aggressive behavior wasn't going to work any longer.
Gertie warns us all to make sure that we aren't trying to control our family through our own weaknesses, real or imaginary.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
My sister-in-law recently passed away while living with her daughter. She was originally from another state and had many friends, therefore there will be a Memorial Service in both states.
I sent a sympathy card with money in it to her daughter and family from my family. Should I also send cards to her sister and brother who live in another state?
Cornered and confused
Dear Confused,
I'm sorry for your loss. Cards are always in good taste. A rememberance of a happy memory of the deceased make it even more special.
Money is always optional and seems to be a regional practice. Send the cards. I'm sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness. M
P.S. Some people love sending cards and some don't. It is a personal preference. However, there are times when a card is definitely appropriate to express your condolences, congratulations, or birthday wishes to someone you care about. Gertie says, "if you don't care enough to write a few words that make it special, then save your stamp!"
My sister-in-law recently passed away while living with her daughter. She was originally from another state and had many friends, therefore there will be a Memorial Service in both states.
I sent a sympathy card with money in it to her daughter and family from my family. Should I also send cards to her sister and brother who live in another state?
Cornered and confused
Dear Confused,
I'm sorry for your loss. Cards are always in good taste. A rememberance of a happy memory of the deceased make it even more special.
Money is always optional and seems to be a regional practice. Send the cards. I'm sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness. M
P.S. Some people love sending cards and some don't. It is a personal preference. However, there are times when a card is definitely appropriate to express your condolences, congratulations, or birthday wishes to someone you care about. Gertie says, "if you don't care enough to write a few words that make it special, then save your stamp!"
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I want to comment on the letter about going to class reunions.
I never went because I thought that I was just to busy. I decided to go this year since this was a big one. I told myself that after 45 years, it would be fun to see everyone and have a good time reminiscing.
Oh, how I wish that I had gone to all those other reunions. So many of my classmates have died in the years since our graduation. Some in accidents. Some from cancer and other illnesses. I remember all those young faces and wish they could have lived to join us.
We donated to the school Scholarship Fund in their names and spent much of the evening mourning those friends we missed. I discovered that all my classmates had, at times, felt lonely and left out just as I had.
Now, as adults, we understand that we had expected too much from ourselves and each other. When we were raising our own teens, we realized just how immature and insecure we had been.
My advice for everyone is to go to your reunion regardless of your weight, financial situation,marriage status, or how much hair you have on your head. Celebrate the fact that you are alive and can share memories with'old'friends.
Old Party Girl in Pennsylvania
Dear Kick-up-your heels,
You certainly are wise. Mature adults do what they can to look their best and then forget about themselves and concentrate on enjoying the moment. That is the best recipe for a good reunion. Go have fun with 'old' friends. M
P.S. Gertie went to her last reunion dressed as a cheerleader. She had gone to try-outs every year but never made the squad. So, she decided it was time to cross "Lead a cheer" off her BUCKET LIST. She did it and challenged everyone else to plan for next year and do something to cross off their list.
Wouldn't that be a fun reunion? I wonder how many cheerleaders, prom queens, singers, dancers, and stand-up comedians are hiding among your friends. What are you hiding? Cross it off your BUCKET LIST while you still can.
I want to comment on the letter about going to class reunions.
I never went because I thought that I was just to busy. I decided to go this year since this was a big one. I told myself that after 45 years, it would be fun to see everyone and have a good time reminiscing.
Oh, how I wish that I had gone to all those other reunions. So many of my classmates have died in the years since our graduation. Some in accidents. Some from cancer and other illnesses. I remember all those young faces and wish they could have lived to join us.
We donated to the school Scholarship Fund in their names and spent much of the evening mourning those friends we missed. I discovered that all my classmates had, at times, felt lonely and left out just as I had.
Now, as adults, we understand that we had expected too much from ourselves and each other. When we were raising our own teens, we realized just how immature and insecure we had been.
My advice for everyone is to go to your reunion regardless of your weight, financial situation,marriage status, or how much hair you have on your head. Celebrate the fact that you are alive and can share memories with'old'friends.
Old Party Girl in Pennsylvania
Dear Kick-up-your heels,
You certainly are wise. Mature adults do what they can to look their best and then forget about themselves and concentrate on enjoying the moment. That is the best recipe for a good reunion. Go have fun with 'old' friends. M
P.S. Gertie went to her last reunion dressed as a cheerleader. She had gone to try-outs every year but never made the squad. So, she decided it was time to cross "Lead a cheer" off her BUCKET LIST. She did it and challenged everyone else to plan for next year and do something to cross off their list.
Wouldn't that be a fun reunion? I wonder how many cheerleaders, prom queens, singers, dancers, and stand-up comedians are hiding among your friends. What are you hiding? Cross it off your BUCKET LIST while you still can.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for two years, and with the help of family and friends, I am doing well. A few months ago I received an invitation to my High School 50th class reunion. I have put off responding because I couldn't decide if I wanted to travel across the country to see people who had mistreated and ignored me.
High School was not a 'fun' time for me. I was overweight, shy, and an underachiever. I guess I was what you call the quintessential late bloomer. I was never included in the social life of the class and although I didn't think that I cared at the time, I realized when my daughters were teenagers that I missed out on so much. I resent my classmates for not inviting me to join them. During my college years I slimmed down and gained confidence and academic success.
I married a wonderful man and we both had rewarding careers while raising two loving daughters. My parents were transferred from my home town shortly after graduation, so I never had a reason to go back, and I was busy with my own life when they had previous reunions.
Now, I am tempted to go back and let them see that they really missed something when they ignored and ridiculed the 'fat girl.' I admit that I want to see the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen and kind of 'strut-my-stuff'in front of them. Is it terrible of me to think that way? My daughters are encouraging me to go, and one has even offered to go with me. What do you think?
Late Bloomer in Indiana
Dear Blossom,
I can understand your desire to 'show-off.' You have come a long way, baby, and you know it. You would probably enjoy the evening and your memories of that night more if you went with a different attiitude.
Would you be able to pull off a "Yes, it is me. I was certainly a late bloomer." That lets them admire you without feeling guily because you are not blaming them. They can go home thinking that they wish they had treated you differently. They will be impressed with your gracious attitude while remembering that they had been the mean girls.
Maybe they will tell their granddaughters about the beautiful, successful woman at the reunion that they used to put down. That might help some young girls today. Who knows, one of them may have a late-blooming granddaughter. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress's best friend's daughter had been a late bloomer. She went back to her 20th reunion with an attitude. Later in the evening, she overhead two classmates talking about her. Instead of being impressed with her grown-up self, they had found yet another reason to dislike her. This time it was her snotty attitude. Yes, they were still shallow and didn't realize that they had been bratty teenagers, but she didn't give them the opportunity to know her as the gracious and confident adult she had become.
It is always a good idea to error on the side of kindness.
I have been widowed for two years, and with the help of family and friends, I am doing well. A few months ago I received an invitation to my High School 50th class reunion. I have put off responding because I couldn't decide if I wanted to travel across the country to see people who had mistreated and ignored me.
High School was not a 'fun' time for me. I was overweight, shy, and an underachiever. I guess I was what you call the quintessential late bloomer. I was never included in the social life of the class and although I didn't think that I cared at the time, I realized when my daughters were teenagers that I missed out on so much. I resent my classmates for not inviting me to join them. During my college years I slimmed down and gained confidence and academic success.
I married a wonderful man and we both had rewarding careers while raising two loving daughters. My parents were transferred from my home town shortly after graduation, so I never had a reason to go back, and I was busy with my own life when they had previous reunions.
Now, I am tempted to go back and let them see that they really missed something when they ignored and ridiculed the 'fat girl.' I admit that I want to see the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen and kind of 'strut-my-stuff'in front of them. Is it terrible of me to think that way? My daughters are encouraging me to go, and one has even offered to go with me. What do you think?
Late Bloomer in Indiana
Dear Blossom,
I can understand your desire to 'show-off.' You have come a long way, baby, and you know it. You would probably enjoy the evening and your memories of that night more if you went with a different attiitude.
Would you be able to pull off a "Yes, it is me. I was certainly a late bloomer." That lets them admire you without feeling guily because you are not blaming them. They can go home thinking that they wish they had treated you differently. They will be impressed with your gracious attitude while remembering that they had been the mean girls.
Maybe they will tell their granddaughters about the beautiful, successful woman at the reunion that they used to put down. That might help some young girls today. Who knows, one of them may have a late-blooming granddaughter. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress's best friend's daughter had been a late bloomer. She went back to her 20th reunion with an attitude. Later in the evening, she overhead two classmates talking about her. Instead of being impressed with her grown-up self, they had found yet another reason to dislike her. This time it was her snotty attitude. Yes, they were still shallow and didn't realize that they had been bratty teenagers, but she didn't give them the opportunity to know her as the gracious and confident adult she had become.
It is always a good idea to error on the side of kindness.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am worried about my widowed mother. She has been alone for eighteen months and just won't take an interest in anything. She is only sixty-seven years old, but has aged so much since dad died. She has gained weight, quit wearing make-up or fixing her hair and just sits around the house watching television and eating junk food.
My brother says that I am expecting too much too soon and that she just needs more time to adjust. Her friends have called saying how worried they are. Do I go with my instinct and that of her friends or do I do as my brother insists and give her more time?
Waiting and Worrying in Wisconsin
Dear WWW,
I'm sure your brother has your mother's best interest at heart, but let's face it. Men don't always understand the women in their life. Every son wants to think that his mother is 'just fine.'
Go with your instinct and get your mother to her doctor. She definitely needs professional help. If you are not satisfied with her doctor, get another opinion. Don't stop until she is well again. Grief takes many roads, and some require medical assistance. Good Luck. M
P.S. Gertie's tennis instructor's best friend's sister became depressed after the loss of her husband. She was lucky and had a daughter who just wouldn't let her mother suffer. It took seeing three different doctor's before finding the one who understood depression in the elderly. Depression has different triggers and reacts differently in people as they age. A doctor who specializes in 'geriatric medicine' is a good place to start.
Do everything you can to help your mother. She took care of you. Now it's your turn to be in charge.
I am worried about my widowed mother. She has been alone for eighteen months and just won't take an interest in anything. She is only sixty-seven years old, but has aged so much since dad died. She has gained weight, quit wearing make-up or fixing her hair and just sits around the house watching television and eating junk food.
My brother says that I am expecting too much too soon and that she just needs more time to adjust. Her friends have called saying how worried they are. Do I go with my instinct and that of her friends or do I do as my brother insists and give her more time?
Waiting and Worrying in Wisconsin
Dear WWW,
I'm sure your brother has your mother's best interest at heart, but let's face it. Men don't always understand the women in their life. Every son wants to think that his mother is 'just fine.'
Go with your instinct and get your mother to her doctor. She definitely needs professional help. If you are not satisfied with her doctor, get another opinion. Don't stop until she is well again. Grief takes many roads, and some require medical assistance. Good Luck. M
P.S. Gertie's tennis instructor's best friend's sister became depressed after the loss of her husband. She was lucky and had a daughter who just wouldn't let her mother suffer. It took seeing three different doctor's before finding the one who understood depression in the elderly. Depression has different triggers and reacts differently in people as they age. A doctor who specializes in 'geriatric medicine' is a good place to start.
Do everything you can to help your mother. She took care of you. Now it's your turn to be in charge.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Maggie Montclair is 'on the road' doing Book Signings and Speaking Engagements.
The following is an excerpt from Surviving Widowhood with Maggie Montclair and Friends.
Memo To Myself
Go ahead
keep your loneliness, wrap it around you
like a cloak.
Climb your battlements
to gaze beyond.
missing joy
here at your feet.
But remember, he who builds walls
leaves fences unmended....
Lois G Harvey
P.S. Gertie says, get off your 'pity-pot' and do something
for others. It will be fun for you!
The following is an excerpt from Surviving Widowhood with Maggie Montclair and Friends.
Memo To Myself
Go ahead
keep your loneliness, wrap it around you
like a cloak.
Climb your battlements
to gaze beyond.
missing joy
here at your feet.
But remember, he who builds walls
leaves fences unmended....
Lois G Harvey
P.S. Gertie says, get off your 'pity-pot' and do something
for others. It will be fun for you!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have been widowed for 18 months and am suffering the usual sad feelings when I hear 'our' music or see old movies. But, my triggers go even farther. The hardest thing for me is Lemon Pie! I actually cry when I see a slice.
You see, I made a lemon pie for Sunday supper every week for years and years. We didn't eat dessert all week, but every Sunday night our family always enjoyed 'together time' with lemon pie. It was Don's favorite so our children learned to love it, too.
Now, they think it would be good for all of us to get together again on Sunday night for lemon pie. They would like me to make it, but if I won't they will buy one. What do you think?
Can't Bake a Lemon Pie
Dear Can't Bake,
People have all kinds of triggers that cause emotional pain. I've never heard of it before, but why not a lemon pie?
What to do about it? You can't be forced to 'get over' grieving. Time helps, and you can talk to yourself about what you want life to be like five years from now. Do you think you want to go through the rest of your life never again enjoying lemon pie with your family? Think about it for a while. Remember the good times you shared.
Maybe start by having your children buy a pie and eating it at their house. Get through that evening. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate. A few tears aren't the end of the world. Next week, you could make the pie and take it to their house. On the third week, make the pie and invite everyone to your home.
It might help if you think of this as a way to honor your husband, and thank him for giving you so many good times. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. So many families don't have such wonderful memories. Don was a blessing that you don't want to forget. Let this wonderful tradition be passed on to your grandchildren. M
P.S. Gertie's sister's neighbor's mother always thought she saw her husband in a crowd. Even years after his death, she would elbow her way through and tap a man on the shoulder. When he turned toward her, she sighed and apologized, saying she thought he was someone else.
Her daughter could never understand why her mother did this since she knew he was dead and had seen him in the casket. Whatever the reason, it was harmless.
Now the mother has passed and the daughter admits to thinking she sees her in a crowd. One never knows what idiosyncrasies will get passed from generation to generation.
I have been widowed for 18 months and am suffering the usual sad feelings when I hear 'our' music or see old movies. But, my triggers go even farther. The hardest thing for me is Lemon Pie! I actually cry when I see a slice.
You see, I made a lemon pie for Sunday supper every week for years and years. We didn't eat dessert all week, but every Sunday night our family always enjoyed 'together time' with lemon pie. It was Don's favorite so our children learned to love it, too.
Now, they think it would be good for all of us to get together again on Sunday night for lemon pie. They would like me to make it, but if I won't they will buy one. What do you think?
Can't Bake a Lemon Pie
Dear Can't Bake,
People have all kinds of triggers that cause emotional pain. I've never heard of it before, but why not a lemon pie?
What to do about it? You can't be forced to 'get over' grieving. Time helps, and you can talk to yourself about what you want life to be like five years from now. Do you think you want to go through the rest of your life never again enjoying lemon pie with your family? Think about it for a while. Remember the good times you shared.
Maybe start by having your children buy a pie and eating it at their house. Get through that evening. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate. A few tears aren't the end of the world. Next week, you could make the pie and take it to their house. On the third week, make the pie and invite everyone to your home.
It might help if you think of this as a way to honor your husband, and thank him for giving you so many good times. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. So many families don't have such wonderful memories. Don was a blessing that you don't want to forget. Let this wonderful tradition be passed on to your grandchildren. M
P.S. Gertie's sister's neighbor's mother always thought she saw her husband in a crowd. Even years after his death, she would elbow her way through and tap a man on the shoulder. When he turned toward her, she sighed and apologized, saying she thought he was someone else.
Her daughter could never understand why her mother did this since she knew he was dead and had seen him in the casket. Whatever the reason, it was harmless.
Now the mother has passed and the daughter admits to thinking she sees her in a crowd. One never knows what idiosyncrasies will get passed from generation to generation.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I am leaving next week for a three month vacation to visit my daughter in Los Angeles. I have been toying with the idea of having some plastic surgery while I am there. I will have plenty of time to heal and get used to the difference. I don't want a BIG change, just a 'refreshed' look.
None of my friends have had any work done, so I really would rather they don't know about it. Do you think that if I have it done and also lose 25 pounds during the three months that they will think I look better just because of the weight loss? Going For A New Look
Dear Good Looker,
If you were to go the whole 'movie star' route, it would definitely be noticeable, but if you just have some wrinkles smoothed you will probably get that 'refreshed' look you are after. Losing 25 pounds will make a difference in your appearance, so you just might get away with it.
But, would it really be so bad if your friends figured it out? You did say they are 'friends.' That means they will be happy for you when you are happier with your looks and your life. True friends aren't jealous or judgmental, so go ahead and make yourself happy. Tell or not tell. It is your choice. Good luck. M
P.S. Gertie's neighbor's friend's identical twin sister went 'under the knife' a few years ago. The other twin opted for the natural look. One appeared a little younger for a few years, but now they are identical again. Nothing lasts forever because
'time marches on.'
More reader comments on air travel:
* I think a $20 tip is excessive. They are airport employees and already getting paid.
* On the last trip before my husband died, we were coming back from London and had to go through a large airport from one building to another. I am so thankful that he had wheel chair assistance. He never could have walked that far, and we couldn't have found the right gate in time for our flight. My husband was a large man, and it was quite a distance. $20 didn't seem like enough for the hard work and kindness of the young man who assisted us.
* I tip after we arrive at the gate depending on how far we had to go and the attitude of the attendant. Most are nice, but some are downright surly.
* In Phoenix I grabbed a ride on one of the small 'go-carts' they offer. I wasn't tied on, and it was one heck of a ride to my second airplane. Next trip, non-stop.
I am leaving next week for a three month vacation to visit my daughter in Los Angeles. I have been toying with the idea of having some plastic surgery while I am there. I will have plenty of time to heal and get used to the difference. I don't want a BIG change, just a 'refreshed' look.
None of my friends have had any work done, so I really would rather they don't know about it. Do you think that if I have it done and also lose 25 pounds during the three months that they will think I look better just because of the weight loss? Going For A New Look
Dear Good Looker,
If you were to go the whole 'movie star' route, it would definitely be noticeable, but if you just have some wrinkles smoothed you will probably get that 'refreshed' look you are after. Losing 25 pounds will make a difference in your appearance, so you just might get away with it.
But, would it really be so bad if your friends figured it out? You did say they are 'friends.' That means they will be happy for you when you are happier with your looks and your life. True friends aren't jealous or judgmental, so go ahead and make yourself happy. Tell or not tell. It is your choice. Good luck. M
P.S. Gertie's neighbor's friend's identical twin sister went 'under the knife' a few years ago. The other twin opted for the natural look. One appeared a little younger for a few years, but now they are identical again. Nothing lasts forever because
'time marches on.'
More reader comments on air travel:
* I think a $20 tip is excessive. They are airport employees and already getting paid.
* On the last trip before my husband died, we were coming back from London and had to go through a large airport from one building to another. I am so thankful that he had wheel chair assistance. He never could have walked that far, and we couldn't have found the right gate in time for our flight. My husband was a large man, and it was quite a distance. $20 didn't seem like enough for the hard work and kindness of the young man who assisted us.
* I tip after we arrive at the gate depending on how far we had to go and the attitude of the attendant. Most are nice, but some are downright surly.
* In Phoenix I grabbed a ride on one of the small 'go-carts' they offer. I wasn't tied on, and it was one heck of a ride to my second airplane. Next trip, non-stop.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Dear Readers: Thank you for your helpful hints on traveling alone. Here is your advice:
1.If you are over sixty always ask for wheelchair assistance when going through a large airport. The employees know their way through this maze and get you to your gate in record time. No worry about getting lost. It is well worth the $20 tip. Make these arrangements when you purchase your ticket.
2. Do get to the airport at least two hours early. Don't be late and expect airport employees to drop everything and pamper you. Follow their rules and expect delays. In that frame of mind, you are ready for today's air travel experience.
3. Be friendly to other fliers at your gate. Get acquainted. Sometimes instructions are given while you are waiting, and you can't hear or understand them. Ask what was said.
4. If you are going to an important event such as a wedding or catching a cruise ship, go a day early to allow for delays. Then relax. There is always another plane.
5. As my uncle Don always said, "Take half as many clothes and twice as much money as you think you will need."
*********************
Dear Maggie Montclair,
My grandchildren are all strong willed and a little spoiled. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I'm tired of the constant arguing.
My children were always competitive, and now it has gone to the next generation. Everyone tries to out do their siblings and cousins and they argue to prove they are the best.
I'm always called to be the mediator. That means someone gets mad at me. I keep telling them to leave me out of their troubles, but they keep coming back for my opinion. I've had enough! How can I tell them to leave me out of it in a way that they know I mean it?
Caught In The Middle
Dear Caught,
Apparently your opinion is highly valued by your family since they keep asking for advice. Maybe you can start giving advice that no one likes.
Instead of being reasonable and actually trying to mediate, try saying, "sounds like two spoiled brats ran into each other" or "neither one of you deserve that award. Is there a third party we can send it to?" Think of more quips that you can say with a chuckle, and refuse to get serious. When they realize you won't even try to sort out their problems, maybe they will do it themselves or find someone else to hound.
One of the joys of aging is that we no longer are in charge of children and grandchildren. We made our share of mistakes, and they deserve the right to make theirs. Some things are just not our business, and we are better off not even knowing the problem. If left to their own devices, our children and grandchildren will solve their own problems without our help. It might not be our way, but that doesn't matter. You won't always be there for them, so they had better learn for themselves starting now.
Many of us have learned that they won't take our good advice anyway. So, save your breath. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress found herself in a similar situation. Her grandchildren brought her at least one problem a day. After she gave them her best possible advice, they did it their own way. She decided she didn't want to hear any more. She said, "I will help you if you help me first."
She then invented a story about an obnoxious customer. The story went on and on and got more ridiculous and convoluted as she talked. She repeated parts over and over again. She talked until her grandchildren wandered away out of boredom. After a few days, they solved their own problems rather than listen to her long boring stories.
They probably thought she had 'gone round the bend', but sometimes that may be a good thing. Especially if they stop asking you to do things you don't want to do!
1.If you are over sixty always ask for wheelchair assistance when going through a large airport. The employees know their way through this maze and get you to your gate in record time. No worry about getting lost. It is well worth the $20 tip. Make these arrangements when you purchase your ticket.
2. Do get to the airport at least two hours early. Don't be late and expect airport employees to drop everything and pamper you. Follow their rules and expect delays. In that frame of mind, you are ready for today's air travel experience.
3. Be friendly to other fliers at your gate. Get acquainted. Sometimes instructions are given while you are waiting, and you can't hear or understand them. Ask what was said.
4. If you are going to an important event such as a wedding or catching a cruise ship, go a day early to allow for delays. Then relax. There is always another plane.
5. As my uncle Don always said, "Take half as many clothes and twice as much money as you think you will need."
*********************
Dear Maggie Montclair,
My grandchildren are all strong willed and a little spoiled. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I'm tired of the constant arguing.
My children were always competitive, and now it has gone to the next generation. Everyone tries to out do their siblings and cousins and they argue to prove they are the best.
I'm always called to be the mediator. That means someone gets mad at me. I keep telling them to leave me out of their troubles, but they keep coming back for my opinion. I've had enough! How can I tell them to leave me out of it in a way that they know I mean it?
Caught In The Middle
Dear Caught,
Apparently your opinion is highly valued by your family since they keep asking for advice. Maybe you can start giving advice that no one likes.
Instead of being reasonable and actually trying to mediate, try saying, "sounds like two spoiled brats ran into each other" or "neither one of you deserve that award. Is there a third party we can send it to?" Think of more quips that you can say with a chuckle, and refuse to get serious. When they realize you won't even try to sort out their problems, maybe they will do it themselves or find someone else to hound.
One of the joys of aging is that we no longer are in charge of children and grandchildren. We made our share of mistakes, and they deserve the right to make theirs. Some things are just not our business, and we are better off not even knowing the problem. If left to their own devices, our children and grandchildren will solve their own problems without our help. It might not be our way, but that doesn't matter. You won't always be there for them, so they had better learn for themselves starting now.
Many of us have learned that they won't take our good advice anyway. So, save your breath. M
P.S. Gertie's favorite waitress found herself in a similar situation. Her grandchildren brought her at least one problem a day. After she gave them her best possible advice, they did it their own way. She decided she didn't want to hear any more. She said, "I will help you if you help me first."
She then invented a story about an obnoxious customer. The story went on and on and got more ridiculous and convoluted as she talked. She repeated parts over and over again. She talked until her grandchildren wandered away out of boredom. After a few days, they solved their own problems rather than listen to her long boring stories.
They probably thought she had 'gone round the bend', but sometimes that may be a good thing. Especially if they stop asking you to do things you don't want to do!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
I have had several wonderful vacations with my widowed and Red Hat friends. We laughed off the hassles of getting through airport security and helped each other gather our belongings. There were always a few of us with artificial hips and knees so I didn't feel embarrassed when I was pulled aside for further inspection.
My daughter wants me to fly across the country and visit her for a month. I would love to be with her and my grandchildren, but to be honest, I'm afraid to fly alone.
Every news show is talking about terrorists putting bombs on planes that may not be detected by security. That scares me to death! I'll be singled out because of my hip and knee replacements, and taking off my shoes is difficult while standing in line. I don't like to be barefoot or in my stocking feet in a dirty airport.
I can't manage walking very far with any luggage, so I check everything except my purse and a jacket. The planes are often cold, and they charge for a pillow and blanket. I'm wondering if a vacation is worth all this stress. Do I stay home or go even though I'm terrified to try it a alone?
Not Flying Solo
Dear Reluctant Flier,
I understand your dilemma. Everything is more fun and easier with a group of friends.
You did not mention your age or health so this is a decision you will have to make entirely on your own. Write down the pros and cons, and decide what you can do without getting so upset that you get sick.
Maybe having a cell phone with you will give you the confidence you need, or if a grandchild is old enough, you could ask them to fly to you and then back with you. Of course, you would have to fly home alone or buy yet another round trip ticket. I guess that would depend on your finances and the age of your grandchildren. I know you will think it through and make the best decision for your situation.
Readers: Do you have any hints that make traveling easier for you? M
P.S. Gertie flies all over the world with groups and alone. She has a simple outlook. When it's your time to go, you will go. Until then, she enjoys everyday no matter where she is. She wears loafers to travel and packs her walking shoes in her checked luggage. When she purchases her ticket she makes arrangements for a wheel chair assistance. Of course, she always tips well.
She told me, "Travel time is your enemy only if you let it run or ruin your vacation. When delays happen, and they will, just figure it was for a good reason, and look for a better outcome." Instead of coming home exhausted, she comes back refreshed and full of stories.
Gertie has experienced everything from volcanic ash to earthquakes and met scores of interesting people along the way. Her daughters say she wouldn't call them for help if her leg was caught in a bear trap! She may seem fearless, but in actuality, she is overflowing with faith. What a way to live!
I have had several wonderful vacations with my widowed and Red Hat friends. We laughed off the hassles of getting through airport security and helped each other gather our belongings. There were always a few of us with artificial hips and knees so I didn't feel embarrassed when I was pulled aside for further inspection.
My daughter wants me to fly across the country and visit her for a month. I would love to be with her and my grandchildren, but to be honest, I'm afraid to fly alone.
Every news show is talking about terrorists putting bombs on planes that may not be detected by security. That scares me to death! I'll be singled out because of my hip and knee replacements, and taking off my shoes is difficult while standing in line. I don't like to be barefoot or in my stocking feet in a dirty airport.
I can't manage walking very far with any luggage, so I check everything except my purse and a jacket. The planes are often cold, and they charge for a pillow and blanket. I'm wondering if a vacation is worth all this stress. Do I stay home or go even though I'm terrified to try it a alone?
Not Flying Solo
Dear Reluctant Flier,
I understand your dilemma. Everything is more fun and easier with a group of friends.
You did not mention your age or health so this is a decision you will have to make entirely on your own. Write down the pros and cons, and decide what you can do without getting so upset that you get sick.
Maybe having a cell phone with you will give you the confidence you need, or if a grandchild is old enough, you could ask them to fly to you and then back with you. Of course, you would have to fly home alone or buy yet another round trip ticket. I guess that would depend on your finances and the age of your grandchildren. I know you will think it through and make the best decision for your situation.
Readers: Do you have any hints that make traveling easier for you? M
P.S. Gertie flies all over the world with groups and alone. She has a simple outlook. When it's your time to go, you will go. Until then, she enjoys everyday no matter where she is. She wears loafers to travel and packs her walking shoes in her checked luggage. When she purchases her ticket she makes arrangements for a wheel chair assistance. Of course, she always tips well.
She told me, "Travel time is your enemy only if you let it run or ruin your vacation. When delays happen, and they will, just figure it was for a good reason, and look for a better outcome." Instead of coming home exhausted, she comes back refreshed and full of stories.
Gertie has experienced everything from volcanic ash to earthquakes and met scores of interesting people along the way. Her daughters say she wouldn't call them for help if her leg was caught in a bear trap! She may seem fearless, but in actuality, she is overflowing with faith. What a way to live!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Dear Maggie Montclair,
Mother's Day is almost here, and I'm getting depressed. I have four wonderful children who remember me with phone calls, cards, flowers, and gifts. But, they all live out of state, so even though they love me and remember me, I'm alone. Every Sunday afternoon is lonely, but Mother's Day is the worst.
I feel guilty for even admitting that I'm miserable on Mother's Day when so many women aren't even remembered by their busy children. How can I quit feeling sorry for myself?
Alone on Mother's Day
Dear Lonely Mother,
We miss those we love and never seem to see them often enough. Don't feel guilty or let yourself get depressed.
Do something for yourself on Mother's Day. Surely you know at least one person in the same situation. Go through your list of friends and acquaintances and see how many women you know who may be alone on Sunday. Call each of them and invite them to your house, or a movie and dinner. If they come to your house, just make it an afternoon of conversation and cards. Serve simple sandwiches or all of you go out to eat. You might find that you enjoy Sunday afternoon get-togethers so much that you want to make it a habit.
M
P.S Gertie's high school classmate's sister's neighbor dreaded Sunday afternoon and evening. She attended church and then went to lunch with friends. But, the time between 2:00p.m. and bedtime seemed like forever.
One day her granddaughter needed information for a school project. She asked about life when grandma was a little girl. Later, the granddaughter brought her the report with a big A+ at the top. She wanted to know more about her grandmother's life.
Now, Sunday afternoon and evening is 'writing time.' She carries a notebook with her, and whenever she thinks of something to put in her "history book" she jots it down. She says she finds that her mind is now occupied with happy memories. Her goal is to write 1,000 words every Sunday.
So far, she has written all the old family stories that have been passed from generation to generation. No one knows if they are true, but that doesn't matter as long as they are entertaining. Now she is writing about her own life and says she only tells of incidents that make her appear kind and generous. In other words, she puts herself in the best possible light. She says "It's my story, so I can write it anyway I want. If someone remembers something in a different way, they can write their own book."
When her epic is complete, she plans to have it published and give copies to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. All 43 of them.
Mother's Day is almost here, and I'm getting depressed. I have four wonderful children who remember me with phone calls, cards, flowers, and gifts. But, they all live out of state, so even though they love me and remember me, I'm alone. Every Sunday afternoon is lonely, but Mother's Day is the worst.
I feel guilty for even admitting that I'm miserable on Mother's Day when so many women aren't even remembered by their busy children. How can I quit feeling sorry for myself?
Alone on Mother's Day
Dear Lonely Mother,
We miss those we love and never seem to see them often enough. Don't feel guilty or let yourself get depressed.
Do something for yourself on Mother's Day. Surely you know at least one person in the same situation. Go through your list of friends and acquaintances and see how many women you know who may be alone on Sunday. Call each of them and invite them to your house, or a movie and dinner. If they come to your house, just make it an afternoon of conversation and cards. Serve simple sandwiches or all of you go out to eat. You might find that you enjoy Sunday afternoon get-togethers so much that you want to make it a habit.
M
P.S Gertie's high school classmate's sister's neighbor dreaded Sunday afternoon and evening. She attended church and then went to lunch with friends. But, the time between 2:00p.m. and bedtime seemed like forever.
One day her granddaughter needed information for a school project. She asked about life when grandma was a little girl. Later, the granddaughter brought her the report with a big A+ at the top. She wanted to know more about her grandmother's life.
Now, Sunday afternoon and evening is 'writing time.' She carries a notebook with her, and whenever she thinks of something to put in her "history book" she jots it down. She says she finds that her mind is now occupied with happy memories. Her goal is to write 1,000 words every Sunday.
So far, she has written all the old family stories that have been passed from generation to generation. No one knows if they are true, but that doesn't matter as long as they are entertaining. Now she is writing about her own life and says she only tells of incidents that make her appear kind and generous. In other words, she puts herself in the best possible light. She says "It's my story, so I can write it anyway I want. If someone remembers something in a different way, they can write their own book."
When her epic is complete, she plans to have it published and give copies to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. All 43 of them.
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